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Some people pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v.1

Some people pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v. 1
People have different views about how much choice students should have with regard to what they can study at university. While some argue that it would be better for students TO BE FORCED INTO CERTAIN KEY SUBJECT AREAS. I believe that everyone should be able to study the course of their choice. There are various reasons why people believe that universities should only offer subjects that will be useful in the future. They may assert that university courses like medicine, engineering and information technology are more likely to be beneficial than certain art degrees. From a personal perspective, it can be argued that these courses PROVIDE MORE JOB OPPORTUNITIES, CAREER PROGRESSION, BETTER SALARIES, and therefore AN IMPROVED QUALITY OF LIFE for students who take them. On the societal level, by forcing people to choose particular university subjects, governments can ensure that any knowledge and skill gaps in the economy are covered. Finally, a focus on technology in HIGHER EDUCATION could LEAD TO NEW INVENTIONS, ECONOMIC GROWTH, and GREATER FUTURE PROSPERITY. In spite of these arguments, I believe that university students should BE FREE TO CHOOSE THEIR PREFERRED AREAS OF STUDY. In my opinion, society will benefit more if our students are passionate about what they are learning. Besides, nobody can really predict which AREAS OF KNOWLEDGE will be most useful to society in the future, and it may be that employers begin to VALUE CREATIVE THINKING SKILLS above practical or technical skills. IF THIS WERE THE CASE, perhaps we would need more students of art, history and philosophy than of science or technology. In conclusion, although IT MIGHT SEEM SENSIBLE FOR universities TO focus only on the most useful subjects, I personally prefer the current system in which people have the right to study whatever they like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about how much choice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should have with regard to what they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
TO
BE FORCED
INTO CERTAIN KEY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
SUBJECT
AREAS. I believe that everyone should be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
the course of their choice.

There are various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
that will be useful in the future. They may assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses like medicine, engineering and information technology are more likely to be beneficial than certain art degrees. From a personal perspective, it can
be argued
that these courses PROVIDE MORE JOB OPPORTUNITIES, CAREER PROGRESSION, BETTER SALARIES, and
therefore
AN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
IMPROVED
QUALITY OF LIFE for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who take them. On the societal level, by forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to choose particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can ensure that any knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
gaps in the economy
are covered
.
Finally
, a focus on technology in HIGHER EDUCATION could LEAD TO NEW INVENTIONS, ECONOMIC GROWTH, and GREATER FUTURE PROSPERITY.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
these arguments, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should BE FREE TO CHOOSE THEIR PREFERRED AREAS OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
STUDY
. In my opinion, society will benefit more if our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are passionate about what they are learning.
Besides
, nobody can
really
predict which AREAS OF KNOWLEDGE will be most useful to society in the future, and it may be that employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to VALUE CREATIVE THINKING
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SKILLS
above practical or technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. IF THIS WERE THE CASE, perhaps we would need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of art, history and philosophy than of science or technology.

In conclusion
, although IT MIGHT SEEM SENSIBLE FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
TO focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the most useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, I
personally
prefer the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
system in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
whatever they like
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people pursue career paths that lead to management positions. Other people follow paths leading to positions of individual responsibility, which do not involve managing others. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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