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schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. v.1

schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 1
There has been a difference in subject preferences between girls who often enroll in art classes and boys who tend to study science. This could be explained by several elements, and I think that it is best not to apply any changes to this tendency. The aforementioned situation can be attributable to gender-specific personalities and competence. First, female students are usually attracted to subjects that require tremendous self-discipline and patience like language classes while male students share a common interest in several fields that need considerable analytical abilities to excel at, for example physics or math. Second, it has been proven that each of the two sexes shows distinct competence and excellence at their favored types of subjects. And students certainly choose to participate in classes that they are best at, which is why boys and girls choose different courses to study. In my view, it is rather unnecessary to make changes to this trend. Initially, students choose the environment where they can best cultivate their aptitudes. Therefore, if they were forced to take part in unwanted classes, it would produce undesirable outcomes, especially resentment or negative attitudes toward study at school. Furthermore, students, regardless of gender, should have their freedom of choice. In other words, they should be at liberty to decide what courses they can attend so that they would feel that they are respected and listened to. In conclusion, distinct characteristics and competence between males and females are the causes for the two tendencies toward choosing preferable courses to study at schools or universities, and students should be entitled to participation in any class they find suitable.
There has been a difference in subject preferences between girls who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
enroll in art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
and boys who tend to study science. This could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by several elements, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is best not to apply any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to this tendency.

The aforementioned situation can be attributable to gender-specific personalities and competence.
First
, female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
usually
attracted to subjects that require tremendous self-discipline and patience like language
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
while male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
share a common interest in several fields that need considerable analytical abilities to excel at,
for example
physics or math. Second, it has
been proven
that each of the two sexes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
distinct competence and excellence at their favored types of subjects. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
certainly
choose to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
that they are best at, which is why boys and girls choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
courses to study.

In my view, it is
rather
unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to this trend.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose the environment where they can best cultivate their aptitudes.
Therefore
, if they
were forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, it would produce undesirable outcomes,
especially
resentment or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitudes toward study at school.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, regardless of gender, should have their freedom of choice.
In other words
, they should be at liberty to decide what courses they can attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would feel that they
are respected
and listened to.

In conclusion
, distinct characteristics and competence between males and females are the causes for the two tendencies toward choosing preferable courses to study at schools or universities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be entitled
to participation in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
they find suitable.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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