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School should not force children to learn a foreign language. To what extent do you agree with the statement? v.1

School should not force children to learn a foreign language. v. 1
School is a place where children can develop their mental abilities and can learn different languages because of their higher learning skills in growing age. Moreover, in a school schedule there should be a particular lecture for alternative language. I agree and elucidate with this opinion in the following paragraph. To begin with, knowing myriad languages would help an individual in various aspects. Learning a new language can help a person to know about an another culture, which would make them familiar to other aspects of the world. For example, if a student wants to study in any other country and he is a multi-linguistic then he can easily get the opportunity to study there. Owing to this, learner can broaden their horizon; they would get the more wisdom about several nations. Moreover, in a corporate world each company wants an employee who has a knowledge of alternative language. Fluency towards multi languages can give acceptable job opportunities to the individuals. In addition, this will open the doors of many countries for the particular person. Last year the government conducted a survey and reveals that person who has a satisfactory knowledge of alternative language has more job options than others. So a foreign language in school syllabus is not only a subject but also an opportunity for a student to recognize the disparate language. In conclusion, having a subject in time table which is different from mother language would give a learner a better horizon to study worldwide and it would help them in future to get appropriate job in multi national companies.
School is a place where children can develop their mental abilities and can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their higher learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in growing age.
Moreover
, in a school schedule there should be a particular lecture for alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and elucidate with this opinion in the following paragraph.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, knowing myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
an individual in various aspects. Learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a person to know about
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a culture" or "another culture".
an another culture
, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar to other aspects of the world.
For example
, if a student wants to study in any other
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
country and
he is a multi-linguistic then he can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to study there. Owing to this, learner can broaden their horizon; they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the more wisdom about several nations.

Moreover
, in a corporate world each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
wants an employee who has a knowledge of alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Fluency towards multi
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
can give acceptable job opportunities to the individuals.
In addition
, this will open the doors of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries for the particular person. Last year the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
conducted a survey and reveals that person who has a satisfactory knowledge of alternative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
has more job options than others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in school syllabus is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a subject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an opportunity for a student to recognize the disparate language.

In conclusion
, having a subject in time table which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from mother
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
would give a learner a better horizon to study worldwide and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
appropriate job in
This word is normally spelled as one.
multi national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay School should not force children to learn a foreign language. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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