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School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers Subjects such as music and sports are not useful To what extend do you agree or disagree v.1

School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers Subjects such as music and sports are not useful v. 1
Nowadays, it can be seen that the global population increase dramatically. Some of the Governments in the world give incentives to companies to relocate their industries and businesses in remote areas. However, none of these seem to solve the issue of congestion. The problems lie for employees, because most of them want to live close to their offices. I personally believe that lots of benefits will exceed the drawbacks if the companies move their operations to regional areas. Firstly, the industries and businesses are the main stimulus for the country’s economy. With some companies relocate their offices, some of the people will go outside the big cities. As a result, the people get better chances to secure jobs in a less competitive environment. Therefore, the financial and energy inequality can be reduced. Secondly, locate some factories in rural areas will make the city more liveable. For instance, Jakarta more liveable because some of the factories relocate their business and industries to some place in Central Java, it makes Jakarta congestion, poverty rate, and unemployment rate decrease. On the other hand, corporations may face some challenges during early transition. They must invest giant money in areas with low demand and it is not profitable for them. Moreover, employees will difficult to find adequate health and education facilities because most of the infrastructure is not sufficient. For example, some of my senior in a family feel difficult to find a suitable school for his first child and adversity to find the hospital for his wife's maternity. However, I think that this condition only induced small problems rather than the essential problems such as poverty and lack source of water. In conclusion, I think that the advantages of relocating industries and businesses in regional areas clearly outweigh any drawbacks. As long as businesses are willing to adapt, communities in big cities and regional areas will benefit from this change as well
Nowadays, it can be
seen
that the global population increase
dramatically
.
Some of the
Governments
in the world give incentives to
companies
to relocate their
industries
and
businesses
in remote
areas
.
However
, none of these seem to solve the issue of congestion. The problems lie for employees,
because
most of them want to
live
close to their offices. I
personally
believe that lots of benefits will exceed the drawbacks if the
companies
move
their operations to regional areas.

Firstly
, the
industries
and
businesses
are the main stimulus for the country’s economy. With
some
companies
relocate their offices,
some of the
people
will go outside the
big
cities.
As a result
, the
people
get
better chances to secure jobs in a less competitive environment.
Therefore
, the financial and energy inequality can be
reduced
.
Secondly
, locate
some
factories in rural
areas
will
make
the city more liveable.
For instance
, Jakarta more liveable
because
some of the
factories relocate their
business
and
industries
to
some
place in Central Java, it
makes
Jakarta congestion, poverty rate, and unemployment rate decrease.

On the other hand
, corporations may face
some
challenges during early transition. They
must
invest giant money in
areas
with low demand and it is not profitable for them.
Moreover
, employees will difficult to find adequate health and education facilities
because
most of the infrastructure is not sufficient.
For example
,
some
of my senior in a family feel difficult to find a suitable school for his
first
child and adversity to find the hospital for his wife's maternity.
However
, I
think
that this condition
only
induced
small
problems
rather
than the essential problems such as poverty and lack source of water.

In conclusion
, I
think
that the advantages of relocating
industries
and
businesses
in regional
areas
clearly
outweigh any drawbacks. As long as
businesses
are willing to adapt, communities in
big
cities and regional
areas
will benefit from this
change
as
well
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay School should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers Subjects such as music and sports are not useful v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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