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Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. v. 1
It is sometimes argued that students performance in their future career are strongly influenced by what they have learnt in schools. While some people have a preference for concentrating on the irrelevant to students future jobs, I believe that learning extra curriculum subject will be beneficial in some extents. On the one hand, it is undeniable that school learners need to put more time on figure out what they need to do in the future. Some people want to be scientists or biologists, they need to have a basic academic subject such as mathematics, biology…which was taught in the high school before enrolling the universities or entering a job market. By mastering some aspects of your jobs, it was a time-saving for you to pursue the dreams on professional area, compared to those who did not acknowledge the essential of learning such subjects at schools. Moreover, those subjects equip learners with higher-level qualifications and boost their work performance, which is what most employers expect these days. On the other hands, people should be considered that extra curriculum subjects can also provided student with substantial skills and abilities that are transferable across their future occupations. By playing group sports, people may improve their interpersonal skills, in particular teamwork ability and leadership competency, whereas music appreciation s conductive in releasing people' s worries and refreshing their mind. Furthermore, the aim of education is not only helping students to successfully attain a job after they graduated, but also play an integral part of both physical and psychological aspects. In conclusion, although no one can negate benefits of teaching academic in schools, the potential merits of extra subjects should be considerable.
It is
sometimes
argued that
students
performance in their
future
career are
strongly
influenced by what they have
learnt
in
schools
. While
some
people
have a preference for concentrating on the irrelevant to
students
future
jobs
, I believe that learning extra curriculum
subject
will be beneficial in
some
extents.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
school
learners need to put more time on figure out what they need to do in the
future
.
Some
people
want to be scientists or biologists, they need to have a basic academic
subject
such as mathematics, biology…which
was taught
in the high
school
before
enrolling the universities or entering a
job
market. By mastering
some
aspects of your
jobs
, it was a time-saving for you to pursue the dreams on professional area, compared to those who did not acknowledge the essential of learning such
subjects
at
schools
.
Moreover
, those
subjects
equip learners with higher-level qualifications and boost their work performance, which is what most employers
expect
these days.

On the other hands,
people
should
be considered
that extra curriculum
subjects
can
also
provided
student
with substantial
skills
and abilities that are transferable across their
future
occupations. By playing group sports,
people
may
improve
their interpersonal
skills
,
in particular
teamwork ability and leadership competency, whereas music appreciation s conductive in releasing
people&
#039; s worries and refreshing their mind.
Furthermore
, the aim of education is not
only
helping
students
to
successfully
attain a
job
after they graduated,
but
also
play an integral part of both physical and psychological aspects.

In conclusion
, although no one can negate benefits of teaching academic in
schools
, the potential merits of extra
subjects
should be considerable.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools should concentrate on teaching students the academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Subjects such as music and sports are not useful. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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