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School leavers’ travel or work for a period of time instead of giving directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

School leavers’ travel or work for a period of time instead of giving directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
A gap year has an immense effect on young adults which entails traveling or working. After a gap year, a student begins with his/her further education. It has both pros and cons which I shall discuss in the below paragraphs. There are many benefits of taking some time off before starting University education. Firstly, it is difficult for some student to decide to choose the career path immediately after completing school education. Sometimes, it is difficult to decide which subject to major, so taking up a job helps to find one' s interests. By exploring new avenues, a student finds such interest which he or she never thought of choosing in their wildest dreams. Taking up a job in gap year acts as a catalyst in deciding one' s career path. Secondly, money earned by working in off period helps as financial assistance for parents. Also, it is used for funding higher education. Besides, a student gets to know outside the world. It helps to enhance his or her overall personality. A well planned year attracts the admission committee or future employers. For instance, one of my cousins took up job in sales right after her secondary school and that experience shifted her interests from choosing Arts to doing major in Marketing and today she has topped in the University. As every garden has weeds, a gap year also has downsides. At times, it is difficult to get back to study routine like attending classes or doing homework. Also, earning enough money seemingly feel that education is unimportant. Finally, if this year off from studies is not well planned then it may turn out as a wasted year. I pen down saying that, a well-planned gap year has many benefits which can help one discover their interests and career path which hence help them to firmly decide on a proper course for further study.
A
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gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
has an immense effect on young adults which entails traveling or working. After a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, a
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with his/her
further
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education
. It has both pros and cons which I shall discuss in the below paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting University
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education
.
Firstly
, it is difficult for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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student
to decide to choose the career path immediately after completing school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is difficult to decide which subject to major,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
taking up a job
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helps
to find
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one&
#039; s
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interests
. By exploring new avenues, a
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student
finds such
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interest
which he or she never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of choosing in their wildest dreams. Taking up a job in
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gap
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year
acts as a catalyst in deciding
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one&
#039; s career path.

Secondly
, money earned by working in off period
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helps
as financial assistance for parents.
Also
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for funding higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Besides
, a
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student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
to know outside the world. It
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helps
to enhance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
overall
personality. A well planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
attracts the admission committee or future employers.
For instance
, one of my cousins took up job in sales right after her secondary school and that experience shifted her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
from choosing Arts to doing major in Marketing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
she has topped in the University.

As every garden has weeds, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
also
has downsides. At times, it is difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to study routine like attending classes or doing homework.
Also
, earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money
seemingly
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is unimportant.
Finally
, if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off from studies is not well planned then it may turn out as a wasted year.

I pen down saying that, a well-planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
one discover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and career path which
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
firmly
decide on a proper course for
further
study.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay School leavers’ travel or work for a period of time instead of giving directly to the university. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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