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School children are using computers in school more than ever Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion v.1

School children are using computers in school more than ever Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion v. 1
Currently, In the world of people is attitude depending of position which they have with things, such as riches, home, work and account of the bank. But, the people of the past are believed, while they have achieved to honestly, to value, to trust and honour, that time these are important characters during long time in people's life. I agree with the following statement which nowadays people are evaluating seeing to worth. In addition, in the world people's are isolated from humans to class as a result this affects their characters and relations. The most humans want to rich of ways and they are attitudes depending on position and the wealth of humans is effected too judged. But, this isn't the over of laws their attempts as well as all people are equal to near the judge and laws. This is evidently the wealth for well of living. On the other hand, the people of the past are attitudes with humans to honesty and honour. But, nowadays humans are evidence less and less this situation. For instance, now persons get a contact more and more for worth and account of the bank. And they love to display their riches by social status and materials. However, they don't know that things never put first place of wealth, because old fashioned prefer to value of trust, honour, honest. To sum up, A person's wealth evidence to judge that is to social status and materials. But, A humans of the past believed and prefer of honestly, trust and they are put first place human's values.
Currently
, In the world of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is attitude
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depending on".
depending
of position which they have with things, such as riches, home, work and account of the bank.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the past
are believed
, while they have achieved to
honestly
, to value, to trust and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, that time these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
characters during long time in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the following statement which nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are evaluating seeing to worth.

In addition
, in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
are isolated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as a result
this affects their characters and relations. The most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
want to rich of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ways and
they are attitudes depending on position and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
is effected
too judged.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, this isn't the over of laws their attempts
as well
as all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are equal to near the judge and laws. This is
evidently
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
for well of living.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the past are attitudes with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
to honesty and
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
are evidence less and less this situation.
For instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
persons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a contact more and more for worth and account of the bank. And they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to display their riches by social status and materials.
However
, they don't know that things never put
first
place of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
old fashioned
prefer to value of trust,
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
, honest.

To sum up, A person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wealth
evidence to judge
that is
to social status and materials.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
of the past believed and prefer of
honestly
,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trust and
they
are put
first
place
Possible typo. Did you mean: "human values"?
human's values
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay School children are using computers in school more than ever Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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