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School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills. v. 1
Some people think that school children are completely dependent on the computers and teachers should avoid using LCD screens for teaching. While others that it's actually good to learn everything over the computer. However, In my view, I completely disagree to switch back to normal teaching methodologies. Firstly, the predominant reason by using the digital screens is lectures can save a lot of paper for various purposes. With that initiation we are saving our ecosystem, eventually people can save more tree for the paper. For instance, conducting exams for students over online, we do not require any paperwork. Additionally, It will not impact on the student's reading and writing skills rather it will boost their career excel in future since everyone upgrading to online. In most of tech companies everything will run on computers, they hardly use the papers, books and other paper-based materials. Secondly, for the students reading and writing on digital screens are more comfortable. They will not get hurt with ball pens to write down a vast number of pages and especially for reading everything will be visible over the screen. They do not require to turn the pages unlike the book based reading style. For example, consider reading a book over the large screen will save a lot of time and their efforts. In our digital era, everything getting converted into online so it's time to shift the students towards the digital screens with the advanced teaching methods. To conclude, using the digital displays not only improve the students writing and reading skills but also help in their future growth in the digital world. Also, students will be comfortable over the computers to write and read their academics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that school children are completely dependent on the computers and teachers should avoid using LCD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
for teaching.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
others that it's actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the computer.
However
, In my view, I completely disagree to switch back to normal teaching methodologies.

Firstly
, the predominant reason by using the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
is lectures can save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
paper for various purposes. With that initiation we are saving our ecosystem,
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can save more tree for the paper.
For instance
, conducting exams for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
online, we do not require any paperwork.

Additionally
, It will not impact on the student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
it will boost their career excel in future since everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "upgrades", "upgraded".
upgrading
to online.

In
Consider using "most tech" or "most of the tech".
most of tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
will run on computers, they hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the papers, books and other paper-based materials.

Secondly
, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
and writing on digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
are more comfortable. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt with ball pens to write down a vast number of pages and
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
will be visible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
. They do not require to turn the pages unlike the book based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
style.

For example
, consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
a book
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screen
will save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and their efforts. In our digital era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
everything
getting converted into online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it's time to shift the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
towards the digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
screens
with the advanced teaching methods.

To conclude
, using the digital displays not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
writing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their future growth in the digital world.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be comfortable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the computers to write and read their academics.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay School children are becoming far too dependent on computers. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in the classroom at all costs and go back to teaching basic study skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
282 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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