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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v.6

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 6
Recruitment of sales positions is quite different from other job positions. There are multiple view on the skills needed for this role. Many believe that the person should be money minded to perform well. I, however, do not completely agree with this view. According to me, there are multiple other factors as well, which determine the success of an employee in a sales role. The trigger point for a worker to work hard could vary from individual to individual. The main reason for some to believe that money minded people can be good for sales is the nature of the job. For instance, most of the companies provide variable pay to its employees. The more contracts are closed by the staff members, the more benefits they get. This can be a trigger point for many to work hard and perform well. Additionally, the factors such as interpersonal skills are important as well. As a part of the job, one needs to converse with multiple people and tell them about the product in a very interesting way. There is need of being persuasive as well, so that they can convince the prospective customers to buy the product. Other than monetary reasons, healthy and fun work environment is another major factor sales employee could be looking for. If recruiters target any person who is passionate about the task, then it can also prove good for the employer as it means the staff will feel motivated without greed and will perform well. To conclude, multiple people may have multiple trigger points to encourage them to perform better. Typecasting everyone in the sales sector to be a money mind is wrong. The recruiters should look for other details about them such as passion, interpersonal skills etc.
Recruitment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
positions is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
job positions. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multiple
view on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
needed for this role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that the person should be money minded to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. I,
however
, do not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
, which determine the success of an employee in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
role.

The trigger point for a worker to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
could vary from individual to individual. The main reason for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to believe that money minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
is the nature of the job.
For instance
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
provide variable pay to its employees. The more contracts
are closed
by the staff members, the more benefits they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. This can be a trigger point for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
well.

Additionally
, the factors such as interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. As a part of the job, one needs to converse with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them about the product in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interesting way. There
is need
of being persuasive as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can convince the prospective customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the product.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Other
than monetary reasons, healthy and fun work environment is another major factor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
employee could be looking for. If recruiters target any person who is passionate about the task, then it can
also
prove
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the employer as it means the staff will feel motivated without greed and will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
well.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multiple
trigger points to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
perform
better. Typecasting everyone in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
sector to be a money mind is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. The recruiters should look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about them such as passion, interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
etc.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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