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Maintaining public libraries are waste of money and resources since internet is now replacing their functions. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Maintaining public libraries are waste of money and resources since internet is now replacing their functions. v. 3
While many people surf the internet to download digitalised books, there are some people who prefer going to the library. I am of the belief that the libraries play an important role in improving the communication skills between the readers and posses updated books rather than online platforms To begin with, nowadays, there are some learners who claim that there are many platforms that serve many books which are needed in different fields of education, but they still find that book room is the comfortable and quiet place to read and study. Furthermore, the materials found on the internet are mostly out of copyrights because any copyright lasts for 70 years after the author dies, as a result they will not find the latest best seller or up-to-date information. For example, every university must contain a library for their undergraduates do their own research and that can help them develop their communication skills. As it can be seen, libraries in these days are important in the educational system, and it should be maintained and reloaded by the latest materials. Moreover, there are some senior citizens who say that they are not able to use technology, so it is hard for them to surf the internet in order to download E-materials or even read them on a laptop or a smart phone. That is why they prefer going to the Bibliotheca and they deserve to stay in a good place to read. Additionally, they find a community to exchange information and to have a great time together. This can be witnessed be an article in the Egyptian Gazette, which says that 50 percent of the elder parents prefer going to the libraries rather than sitting in a cafe or at home. That is why I believe that libraries play a pivotal role in a specific sector of the society. In conclusion, after the essay has shown why the libraries are important to any country, it is necessary to maintain them and it will not be a waste of money. I adopt the stance that we should repair them, so that it can serve the people's needs.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
surf the internet to download
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalised' is British English.
digitalised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who prefer going to the library. I am of the belief that the libraries play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in improving the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
between the readers and posses updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
rather
than online
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
platforms


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
learners who claim that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
platforms that serve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which
are needed
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
still
find that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
room is the comfortable and quiet place to read and study.
Furthermore
, the materials found on the internet are
mostly
out of copyrights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
any copyright lasts for 70 years after the author
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
,
as a result
they will not find the latest
This word is normally spelled as one.
best seller
or up-to-date information.
For example
, every university
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
contain a library for their undergraduates do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
research and that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them develop their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, libraries in these days are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the educational system, and it should
be maintained
and reloaded by the latest materials.

Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
senior citizens who say that they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to surf the internet in order to download E-materials or even read them on a laptop or a smart phone.
That is
why they prefer going to the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Bibliotheca and
they deserve to stay in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to read.
Additionally
, they find a community to exchange information and to have a great time together. This can
be witnessed
be an article in the Egyptian Gazette, which says that 50 percent of the elder parents prefer going to the libraries
rather
than sitting in a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
or at home.
That is
why I believe that libraries play a pivotal role in a specific sector of the society.

In conclusion
, after the essay has shown why the libraries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to any country, it is necessary to maintain them and it will not be a waste of money. I adopt the stance that we should repair them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can serve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's needs.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Maintaining public libraries are waste of money and resources since internet is now replacing their functions. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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