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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v.1

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 1
It is argued that sales corporations ought to recruit people who are in extreme need of money so that they would result in the highly devoting staff. In my view, money is a crucial factor which can make a person to struggle more. While recruiting employees for sales post, a good communication skills and convincing ability of a worker is irrefutable. Hard work is directly linked to the money people receive. Money is the utmost requirement for workers to fulfill their expenses such as paying bills, and rents, and buying food. This, in turn, can be made possible by opting to enormous struggle in the workforce environment, which would results in getting high salaries. Research by the Oxford University, for instance, found that employees who are getting lucrative salaries, work with more efforts than their colleagues who are not getting high pay. Therefore, workers are highly likely to work resiliently if they are receiving high amount of money. There are two vital factors which should be taken into account while recruiting workers for sales position. Firstly, a good communication skills are critical for a person on sales post. The field of sales required a lot of customer engagement, which, in turn, can be done smoothly by having better communicating power with client. In other words, customer interaction can be performed well if there is no hurdles in passing ideas to them, in order to boost the sales. Secondly, the convincing power of an employee is a vital factor in sales area. This is because alone skillful communication would not boost the sales, but also convincing a client to a certain product is inevitable. Sales is an area which can be tackle if an employee can convince a client to buy a product. Economics Organization of Harvard, for example, showed that product purchasing depends up to 55% on how much client can convinced to attain a certain product. In conclusion, in my opinion, money is a most motivating factor for working hard. In the recruitment stage for sales role, an employer should look for good communication and convincing skills in employees.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
corporations ought to recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in extreme need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would result in the
highly
devoting staff. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person to struggle more. While recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
post, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
ability of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is irrefutable.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
work is
directly
linked to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
receive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the utmost requirement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to fulfill their expenses such as paying bills, and rents, and buying food. This, in turn, can
be made
possible by opting to enormous struggle in the workforce environment, which would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "result"
results
in getting high salaries. Research by the Oxford University,
for instance
, found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are getting lucrative salaries, work with more efforts than their colleagues who are not getting high pay.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are
highly
likely to work
resiliently
if they are receiving high amount of money.

There are two vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
which should
be taken
into account while recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
position.
Firstly
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are critical for a person on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
post. The field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
required
Possible agreement error. The noun customer seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of customers".
a lot of customer
engagement, which, in turn, can
be done
smoothly
by having better communicating power with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
.
In other words
, customer interaction can
be performed
well if
Did you mean "there are no hurdles"?
there is no hurdles
in passing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to them, in order to boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
power of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is a vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
area. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
alone skillful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
would not boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
to a certain product is inevitable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
is an area which can be tackle if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
can convince a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product. Economics Organization of Harvard,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that product purchasing depends up to 55% on how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
client
can convinced to attain a certain product.

In conclusion
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a most motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. In the recruitment stage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
role, an employer should look for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
convincing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v.1