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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions v.2

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions v. 2
Money is the biggest source of elements which attracts more and more people to work. Companies should hire those people who are dedicated towards their work and want to earn more money from their hard work. This essay will discuss about how a common man runs after money to accomplish their goals and about how the employees should be recruited for a sales profile. Money is an essential component of life which describes about the status and the position of a person in a society. To get a better and easy life employees tend to give their best to achieve their desired goals. It is a prime motivator which helps the organizations to get their work done in the form of targets. Sales position is one of the biggest examples of earning more through achieving more targets. Companies should hire those employees who are hungry for money. If a company hires a person who is in a need of money, then automatically he'll work harder to get the work done. Also, this hunger will lead to the achievement of targets, resulting them to earn more bonuses and commissions. To conclude, in the sales profile if a person requires money to get a better life, he'll give his best to achieve his targets. Thus, proving that money is the driving force that encourages people to perform better in their jobs to fulfil their dreams. Whether it is a sales profile or any other profile, companies should focus on the background of a person before hiring them for their company.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is the biggest source of elements which attracts more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should hire those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are dedicated
towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and want to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss how"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about how
a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
runs after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to accomplish their goals and about how the employees should
be recruited
for a sales profile.

Money is an essential component of life which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
about the status and the position of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in a society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better and easy life employees tend to give their best to achieve their desired goals. It is a prime motivator which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the organizations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done in the form of targets.

Sales position is one of the biggest examples of earning more through achieving more targets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should hire those employees who are hungry for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
hires a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who is in a need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, then
automatically
he'll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done.
Also
, this hunger will lead to the achievement of targets, resulting them to earn more bonuses and commissions.

To conclude
, in the sales profile if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better life, he'll give his best to achieve his targets.
Thus
, proving that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the driving force that encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to perform better in their jobs to fulfil their dreams. Whether it is a sales profile or any other profile,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should focus on the background of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
hiring them for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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