Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v.3

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 3
Recruiting people for sales based companies is different than other companies selection process. Some think money plays vital role on the performance of workers while I think there are other factors to be considered while recruiting for this specific roles. People are money minded sometimes to work efficiently and to obtain profits. Because some jobs needs to be focused more on profits such as selling products. At the same time, Workers should be friendly and persuading consumers so they can make customers believe that they need that product for them. For example, sales person should have a plan to attract customers and increase sales. Sales person should also be money minded. In sales companies usually they share profit with employee as target based allowance. So for this allowance employees tend to work greedily to hit the target and thus improving their salary as well as profits to companies. On the other hand, Staff should also have skills like interpersonal skills, communication and amicable. Selling a product doesn't always involves compelling customers or trying to please them with marketing stunts. Marketing staff should also feel competitive and motivated. So they can think for innovative ways of selling product post the office time also. By providing incentive along with salary can be one of such motivating factor. For example, to increase their incentive they work more creatively and connect with customers to sell their products. To conclude, although money can be an attractive factor for sales staff, other factors like motivation, soft skills are also needed.
Recruiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
based
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "companies'" or "company's"?
companies
selection process.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays vital role on the performance of workers while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
to
be considered
while recruiting for this specific roles.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to work
efficiently
and to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
jobs needs to
be focused
more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
such as selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. At the same time, Workers should be friendly and persuading consumers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
believe that they need that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for them.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
person should have a plan to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
and increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sales
person should
also
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
minded. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
usually
they share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
with employee as target based allowance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
for this allowance employees tend to work
greedily
to hit the target and
thus
improving their salary
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profits
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, Staff should
also
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, communication and amicable. Selling a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
doesn't always
The verb 'doesn't' requires base form of this verb: "involve"
involves
compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
or trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
them with marketing stunts. Marketing staff should
also
feel competitive and motivated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
for innovative ways of selling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
post the office time
also
. By providing incentive along with salary can be one of such motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
.
For example
, to increase their incentive they work more
creatively
and connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
to sell their products.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be an attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
staff,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like motivation, soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are
also
needed.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts