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In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These dáy, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What massage does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v.1

In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These dáy, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What massage does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v. 1
Several decades ago, the aim’s athletes were to win a competition and to break the new world records. Nowadays, it seems to have changed, since many young sports persons consider it as the opportunity to become a celebrity or to earn more money. This practice causes lots of harmful impacts. This following essay will discuss about how effect to the young generation in general and the athletics in particular. Basically, professional players are highly paid these days. The condition has led them a luxurious or glamorous lifestyle, and many of them are married to a famous actress or a supermodel, which make generations misunderstandings of its basic competitions. Sport leagues are becoming commercialised as they need the money to pay these athletes. This perspective toward sport could have a bad impact on it. Subsequently, young people will find it as a tool to make a living on it, not to benefit from the emotional gain that sports offers. Furthermore, the athletics players with the materialistic mindset would find ways to cheat or to attract attention from the public, instead of putting real efforts into practicing and trying to win. The core values of sports, which are fair-play and genuine passion would be undermined and neglected. Many games are showing more of an individual attraction rather than a solid teamwork. All in all, prize money and fame are huge motivations for athletes. However, concentrating too much on them makes the sport players lose focus on training. If they can combine the encouragement with their practice approximately, success will come to them
Several decades ago, the aim’s athletes were to win a competition and to break the new world records. Nowadays, it seems to have
changed
, since
many
young
sports
persons consider it as the opportunity to become a celebrity or to earn more money. This practice causes lots of harmful impacts. This following essay will
discuss about how
effect to the young generation
in general
and the athletics
in particular
.

Basically
, professional players are
highly
paid these days. The condition has led them a luxurious or glamorous lifestyle, and
many
of them
are married
to a
famous
actress or a supermodel, which
make
generations misunderstandings of its basic competitions.
Sport
leagues are becoming
commercialised
as they need the money to pay these athletes. This perspective toward
sport
could have a
bad
impact on it.
Subsequently
, young
people
will find it as a tool to
make
a living on it, not to benefit from the emotional gain that
sports
offers.

Furthermore
, the athletics players with the materialistic mindset would find ways to cheat or to attract attention from the public,
instead
of putting real efforts into practicing and trying to win. The core values of
sports
, which are
fair
-play and genuine passion would
be undermined
and neglected.
Many
games are showing more of an individual attraction
rather
than a solid teamwork.

All in all, prize money and fame are huge motivations for athletes.
However
, concentrating too much on them
makes
the
sport
players lose focus on training. If they can combine the encouragement with their practice approximately, success will
come
to
them
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In the past, sporting champions used to be motivated primarily by the desire to win a match or to break world records. These dáy, they are more likely to be motivated by prize money and the opportunity to be famous. What massage does this send to young people and how does this attitude to sport affect the sports themselves? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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