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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated worked do you think money is the driving force behind hard work what factor should be taken into consideration when recruit staff for sales position. v.2

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated worked do you think money is the driving force behind hard work what factor should be taken into consideration when recruit staff for sales position. v. 2
Due to technology advancement some factor develop more, and more. Nevertheless, nowadays mostly companies sales of company' s product for inclined the productivity of company. as well as, these companies should recruit people that are hungry for earn, and this will be more dedicated workers or not through this. I shall explore my point of in the following subsections. Firstly, that those companies that sales their company product of the goal for increase customer, and production to company. There sales companies would have employees more honest. because when employees more honest and due to truth we are achieve more success through of it. Nextly, truth worthy person gain more easily success in life. that this reason these kind of can getting these types of employees for business purpose. moreover, the best epitome that refer that in develop country like Japan have employees more truth worthy person that this reason that country develop more rather any other countury. Adding further, that sales companies of employees work with dedicated when they are achieve more money, and their need fulfill by earn then do work more satisfaction. futhermore, In these kind of company' s workers have so stress about customer, and they are feel not comfortable that is why these types of company' s owners shouldn' t responsiblity for gives sustainable salary to their employees. therefore these kind of reason that companies progressed more. however, employees getting more discount by company as bonus. To summarize, that there is no single conclusion to this question still, finally, this is responsiblity of any one person because that it depends upon companie authorities therefore they will be more care full upon employees satisfaction then this type progressed obtained rather than not any thing possible.
Due to technology advancement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "factors"?
factor
develop more, and more.
Nevertheless
, nowadays
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s product for inclined the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
well as, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that are hungry for earn, and this will be more dedicated workers or not through this. I shall explore my point of in the following subsections.

Firstly
, that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
product of the goal for increase customer, and production to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. There
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
would have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more honest.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more honest and due to truth we are
Consider using a past participle here: "achieved".
achieve
more success through of it.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nextly
, truth worthy person gain more
easily
success in life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
this reason
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of can getting these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for business purpose.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
moreover
, the best epitome that refer
The verb 'develop' is plural. Did you mean: "that in develops"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
that in develop
country like Japan have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more truth worthy person that this reason that country develop more
rather
any other
Possible spelling mistake found.
countury
.

Adding
further
, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
work with dedicated when they are
Consider using a past participle here: "achieved".
achieve
more money, and their need fulfill by earn then do work more satisfaction.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
futhermore
, In
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s workers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "stressed".
stress
about customer, and they are feel not comfortable
that is
why these types of
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s owners
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldn&
#039; t
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
for gives sustainable salary to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
therefore
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
progressed more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
getting more discount by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as bonus.

To summarize
, that there is no single conclusion to this question
still
,
finally
, this is
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
of any one person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that it depends upon
Possible spelling mistake found.
companie
authorities
therefore
they will be more care full upon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
satisfaction then this type progressed obtained
rather
than not
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
possible.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
25Mistakes

IELTS essay Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated worked do you think money is the driving force behind hard work what factor should be taken into consideration when recruit staff for sales position. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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