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In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.2

In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2
Although the grievous crime rates are declining in some of the nations of the world, the citizens are feeling more insecure than before. This essay will suggest the main reason for this issue is that the fear of these severe crimes still exists in their minds, however, to tackle this problem the stringent measure would be an awareness campaign to educate them. The primary reason for the people to feel less safe than before instead of the decrement of crime rates is that they are frightened of the occurrence of any sort of severe crime again. This is to say that when they are out with their family and friends, if they see tight security, unintentionally they try to avoid these places. As a result, the inner instinct makes them feel not safer than before even though these incidents are reducing. For example, it is reported that during the year 2018-2019, in Telanagana 75% of females were afraid to go out in the evenings because of 1 gang-rape incident in their region. A long term solution to the predicament is to launch an awareness campaign informing people that violent crimes have reduced. The concerned authorities especially the police department should assure the public by using media as their tool and make them aware that criminals are behind bars. Besides, they should show the masses that government officials are doing a lot to prevent major crimes in the nation. Hence these initiatives can remove the fear among the people of being not safer. In Japan, for instance, when a similar initiative was carried out the people were feeling more secure enough than before. In conclusion, in spite of the major crimes getting decreased in some states, individuals are feeling quite unsafe when compared to before. The main reason is that these incidences have occupied their minds to a large extent and the most viable solution is educating them by launching public campaigns.
Although the grievous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are declining in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
nations of the world, the citizens are feeling more insecure than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. This essay will suggest the main reason for this issue is that the fear of these severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
still
exists in their minds,
however
, to tackle this problem the stringent measure would be an awareness campaign to educate them.

The primary reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to feel less safe than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
instead
of the decrement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates is that they
are frightened
of the occurrence of any sort of severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
again. This is to say that when they are out with their family and friends, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
tight security,
unintentionally
they try to avoid these places.
As a result
, the inner instinct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel not safer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
even though
these incidents are reducing.
For example
, it
is reported
that during the year 2018-2019, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Telanagana
75% of females were afraid to go out in the evenings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of 1 gang-rape incident in their region.

A long term solution to the predicament is to launch an awareness campaign informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. The concerned authorities
especially
the police department should assure the public by using media as their tool and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware that criminals are behind bars.
Besides
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the masses that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials are doing a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in the nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
these initiatives can remove the fear among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of being not safer. In Japan,
for instance
, when a similar initiative
was carried
out the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were feeling more secure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
getting decreased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
states, individuals are feeling quite unsafe when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. The main reason is that these incidences have occupied their minds to a large extent and the most viable solution is educating them by launching public campaigns.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, even though the rates of serious crimes are decreasing, people feel less safe than ever before. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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