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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for the charity, teaching sports to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for the charity, teaching sports to younger children. v. 2
It is argued by some that voluntary work such as community work and educating younger children about games should be mandatory in the secondary school curriculum system. This essay agrees with this view of implementing free work to the high school outline because it will teach students to be responsible, to be a valuable contributor in society and it will help them for their farther advancement. Education should not be limited to only academic purposes but also to practical skills. Community work such as working for charities and teaching sports to kids are also very important as they have the ability to teach high schoolers invaluable communication and interaction skills. Community work helps students connect with their local people and to become responsible citizens. For example, when I was a student in higher secondary school at that time, I used to clean our school surroundings as voluntary work. This skill helped me later on in my life as I’ve been able to keep my neighbourhood clean. Therefore, I believe that free work at school is very essential for students as they are able to acquire practical skills that are not taught in a classroom setting. Another important benefit is the acquired experience. Many colleges and universities also look for this kind of experience. A lot of students leave high school with volunteer work and charitable work on their CV and that greatly helps them stand out in the huge pool of prospective university applicants. For example, top universities such as MIT, Oxford and Cambridge receive thousands of applications with top marks every year and they merely accept a small number of applicants. The extracurricular activities on a student’s application could certainly make the difference between acceptance and rejection. In conclusion, I believe that volunteerism and charitable work should be mandatory in secondary school. This essay totally agrees with the implementation of such a curriculum because of the benefits it brings to society and the practical experience the students gain that will help them in the future.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and educating younger children about games should be mandatory in the secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum system. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this view of implementing free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be responsible, to be a valuable contributor in society and it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them for their farther advancement.

Education should not
be limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
academic purposes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as working for charities and teaching sports to kids are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they have the ability to teach high schoolers invaluable communication and interaction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
connect with their local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and to become responsible citizens.
For example
, when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in higher secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at that time, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to clean our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
surroundings as voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me later on in my life as I’ve been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
clean.
Therefore
, I believe that free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as they are able to acquire practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that are not taught in a classroom setting.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit is the acquired experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
colleges and universities
also
look for this kind of experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on their CV and that
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them stand out in the huge pool of prospective university applicants.
For example
, top universities such as MIT, Oxford and Cambridge receive thousands of applications with top marks every
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
they
merely
accept a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of applicants. The extracurricular activities on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
application could
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the difference between acceptance and rejection.

In conclusion
, I believe that volunteerism and charitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be mandatory in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. This essay
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the implementation of such a curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings to society and the practical experience the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain that will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for the charity, teaching sports to younger children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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