Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Salary is the major factor considered while choosing the job. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Salary is the major factor considered while choosing the job. v. 2
Today we live in a world that values talented people and there are wide job opportunities.   Nowadays, choosing a career is not limited only to the monetary returns but also various factors like workplace suitability, work and life balance, etc. are considered to be vital. However, I believe, salary still remains to be the most important consideration while choosing a job. In the beginning phase of a career, the salary of the persons remains the main source of income to meet the financial needs of the family. For example, any fresher engineer will look for the better salary package to support his family and meet the basic living requirements. A good income initially will also help the person for his further career growth, as the previous salary is always considered as a base for the nest hike. Further, in the social context, a person with good earning is considered to be prestigious and, likely to get more marriage proposals and respect. He also sets an example of having a successful career and prospective graduates look up to him as a benchmark. While, in personal life, he can offer his family a luxurious life along with the best education and help fulfil their dreams. On the other hand, many people believe that the workplace suitability in terms of location, transportation and workplace environment are also quite important. For example, if a person takes up a job situated 20 kilometres away with no convenient transport, will have ill effects on his health and family life. Job satisfaction and friendly work environment are equally important, for example, if an artist is wrongly assigned a marketing job he will not be motivated and satisfied which will affect his performance. Although other measures are also valuable while choosing a career option, salary still maintains the most valued deciding factor.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a world that values talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and there are wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Nowadays, choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is not limited
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the monetary returns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
various factors like workplace suitability, work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance, etc.
are considered
to be vital.
However
, I believe,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
still
remains to be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
consideration while choosing a job.

In the beginning phase of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
remains the main source of income to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the financial needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, any fresher engineer will look for the better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
package to support his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic living requirements. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income
initially
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
for his
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
growth, as the previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is always considered as a base for the nest hike.

Further
, in the social context, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
earning
is considered
to be prestigious and, likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more marriage proposals and respect. He
also
sets an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
of having a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and prospective graduates look up to him as a benchmark. While, in personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, he can offer his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
along with the best education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
fulfil their dreams.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the workplace suitability in terms of location, transportation and workplace environment are
also
quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
takes up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
situated 20
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
away with no convenient transport, will have ill effects on his health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
satisfaction and friendly work environment are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, if an artist is
wrongly
assigned a marketing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
he will not
be motivated
and satisfied which will affect his performance. Although other measures are
also
valuable while choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
option,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
still
maintains the most valued deciding factor.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Salary is the major factor considered while choosing the job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts