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Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduatesbhave led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history and only offer practical degree coursesbthat maximises chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduatesbhave led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history and only offer practical degree coursesbthat maximises chances of employment. v. 1
Owing to the rise in unemployment and increasing in university fee, some people suggest about institutions must focus on practical subjects rather than arts and subjects related to the history. From my opinion, even though practical lessons rises task opportunities, art subjects also have equal importance in contributing growth of our public. Admittedly, art plays a crucial role in the growth of our nation. This is primarily essential for our students to get about our culture and milestones of our country. By studying them people will understand about the human behaviour and the reason behind it. Hence, they will also develop creative and innovative skills based on different cultures And to avoid inappropriate behaviour towards others. Therefore, studying these subjects will enhance to improve thinking abilities of each individual. So that, the culture and ethics of our nation will not decrease. Every human being should need to know the progress and defaults in our system upbringing. However, diminishing employment opportunities and increase in university fee have made professional course more viable. By teaching job prospects such as accountancy and law will increase the job chance for employees. For example, multinational companies need a candidate those who studied accountancy subject well for preparing their financial statements. Once people find profession the unemployment rate gradually steps down and state progress. It is obvious demand for the professional courses in at all time is high. To sum up, professional courses demand more employment opportunities for meeting for daily basic needs. Likewise, arts and history subjects also help in social life. So in my opinion, both subjects should be taught in universities.
Owing to the rise in unemployment and increasing in university fee,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest about institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
related to the history. From my opinion,
even though
practical lessons rises task opportunities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
also
have equal importance in contributing growth of our public.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
plays a crucial role in the growth of our nation. This is
primarily
essential for our students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
about our culture and milestones of our country. By studying them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will understand about the human
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and the reason behind it.
Hence
, they will
also
develop creative and innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures

And to avoid inappropriate
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
towards others.
Therefore
, studying these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will enhance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
thinking abilities of each individual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, the culture and ethics of our nation will not decrease. Every human being should need to know the progress and defaults in our system upbringing.

However
, diminishing employment opportunities and increase in university fee have made professional course more viable. By teaching job prospects such as accountancy and law will increase the job chance for employees.

For example
, multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
need a candidate those who studied accountancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
well for preparing their financial statements. Once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find profession the unemployment rate
gradually
steps down and state progress. It is obvious demand for the professional courses in at all time is high.

To sum up, professional courses demand more employment opportunities for meeting for daily basic needs.
Likewise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in social life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be taught
in universities.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduatesbhave led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history and only offer practical degree coursesbthat maximises chances of employment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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