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Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. v. 2
Students who have graduated claims that universities who have increased their fees should not teach subjects like arts, philosophy and history, but only offer practical degree courses which has a chance to enhance the employment. In my opinion, universities should focus mainly on the practical courses, but not neglecting other subjects which benefits pupils have an idea of other subjects, and also history of solving conflicts and improve communication skills. In developing countries education refers to gaining knowledge and end up with a better job with a better salary. But in reality, education means getting experience to solve any problems in the future. Students need to study about ancient days, because they need to know what had happened in the past to our ancestors and about events occurred. The reason for teaching other subjects is to know some skills in every aspect of the field. For instance, students who have little knowledge in every field such as, historical knowledge and artistic skills has an effect on to solve problems and also have better cognitive skills. In contrast, offering practical degree courses with less fee for employment saves time, and increase the employment rate which satisfies students. For instance, student study practical courses with less fee and less duration can easily get a job and settle. Employment is only for time beings, but abilities gained from others will be for long time in the future. Thus, learning different subjects will help to lead an efficient life for the future. To conclude, studying only practical degree courses can increase the job rate, but having other subjects information and skills will be helpful in the future for problem solving and increase cognitive skills.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who have graduated claims that universities who have increased their fees should not teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like arts, philosophy and history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which has a chance to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
. In my opinion, universities should focus
mainly
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not neglecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which benefits pupils have an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, and
also
history of solving conflicts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In developing
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
education refers to gaining knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with a better job with a better salary.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in reality, education means getting experience to solve any problems in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
need to study about ancient days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to know what had happened in the past to our ancestors and about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
occurred. The reason for teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is to know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in every aspect of the field.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
knowledge in every field such as, historical knowledge and artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
has an effect on to solve problems and
also
have better cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In contrast
, offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with less fee for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
saves time, and increase the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
rate which satisfies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
with less fee and less duration can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job and settle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for time beings,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
abilities gained from others will be for long time in the future.
Thus
, learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to lead an efficient life for the future.

To conclude
, studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
can increase the job rate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
information and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will be helpful in the future for problem solving and increase cognitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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