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Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. v. 1
It is widely argued that due to increased fees and less number of job opportunities, universities should offer more technical and medical courses instead of art, history, and philosophy. I strongly disagree with this view. From my point of view, art and history are vital for our society. This essay will elaborate on the facts to support the stated opinion. To begin with, even though technical and medical fields are more in demand and they have lucrative job offers, but there are numerous people who are more keen on learning art, history, and literature. By eliminating these fields from the education system, universities would deprive people of learning their choice of field. Furthermore, students should be provided with equal opportunities to explore all majors. Hence, they can decide later which stream is more suitable for them. For example, students have to study subjects such as Maths, Science, and Art up to a certain level in high school, afterward they can elect their stream based upon their interest and performance. Further, there is a huge scope of improvement in the preservation of libraries and museums, moreover, the studies of history empower us to be prepared for the future and learn from our past mistakes. Similarly, arts and other traditional subjects allow us to learn to appreciate life. For instance, we revere Van Gauge and Leonardo da Vinci as much as we admire Sir Isaac Newton and Einstein. The world needs great artists and historian no less than it needs scientists and technicians. Thus the government should not neglect the fact that without art and history major there will be no people to work with books and paintings. In addition to this, the government should encourage people to work in art and history fields, also the government should increase the number of job openings in these fields so that people are motivated to pursue their career in non-technical fields. In conclusion, Art and History are equally as important as technology and science. To protect our art and culture, we need more people with specialization in these fields as well. The government and the educational institutes must ensure the future prospectus of art and history in order to keep these streams alive.
It is
widely
argued that due
Did you mean "to increase"?
to increased
fees

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
less number of job opportunities, universities should offer more technical and medical courses
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, and philosophy. I
strongly
disagree with this view. From my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
are vital for our society. This essay will elaborate on the facts to support the stated opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
even though
technical and medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
are more in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
demand and
they have lucrative job offers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are more keen on learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, and literature. By eliminating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
from the education system, universities would deprive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of learning their choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
.
Furthermore
, students should
be provided
with equal opportunities to explore all majors.
Hence
, they can decide later which stream is more suitable for them.
For example
, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study subjects such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
, Science, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
up to a certain level in high school, afterward they can elect their stream based upon their interest and performance.

Further
, there is a huge scope of improvement in the preservation of libraries and museums,
moreover
, the studies of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
empower us to
be prepared
for the future and learn from our past mistakes.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and other traditional subjects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to learn to appreciate life.
For instance
, we revere Van Gauge and Leonardo da Vinci as much as we admire Sir Isaac Newton and Einstein. The world needs great artists and historian no less than it needs scientists and technicians.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not neglect the fact that without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
major there will be no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work with books and paintings.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
,
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should increase the number of job openings in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are motivated
to pursue their career in non-technical fields.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
History
are
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as technology and science. To protect our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and culture, we need more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with specialization in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
as well
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the educational institutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
ensure the future prospectus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
these streams alive.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximise chances of employment. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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