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rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To v.6

rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To v. 6
Over recent years, it is being a hot debatable issue among this society that in this sophisticated society is anticipating the practical knowledge than arts or history related. However, in this fast pace world barely need the presence of mind to make the opportunity of employment and the reasons are summarized below. First and foremost, the rapid growth in this community triggers the parents to pondering about their infants life in terms of employment for their shining future. Furthermore the increasing number of population lead to the raise in the number of universities, which made the university to demarcate the demand of fees structure, it is augmented more then 2 fold than erstwhile, but, the number of industries is remain the same, so the scant option to the students to choose the employment prospects, and these are the prime reasons why the people move on to the other opportunity sectors. In addition to this, in this present scenario, the extreme knowledge of tackling situation and managerial skills are the prominent requirements in the working environment, which does not possible in arts related stream, hence pupil are preferring to go on technical side to originate the bright future. On the other hand, it is irrefutable fact that history and philosophy are the important subject, which describes the ancient culture and tradition, students would get immense knowledge of their ancestors, and so many historical incidents. Nevertheless, according to the chances of employment in industries needs certain practical work not theoretical data’s. Besides, the vast amount of job opportunity in technical field is prevalent on around the world comparing to the arts sector, so they can opt their own job. To conclude this, it seems to me that in this hectic world, the knowledge of technical and practical would be the conducive one to the students based on their employment prospects.
Over recent years, it is being a hot debatable issue among this society that in this sophisticated society is anticipating the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
than arts or history related.
However
, in this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace world
barely
need the presence of mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opportunity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
and the reasons
are summarized
below.

First
and foremost, the rapid growth in this community triggers the parents to pondering about their infants life in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
for their shining future.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the increasing number of population lead to the raise in the number of universities, which made the university to demarcate the demand of fees structure, it
is augmented
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
2
Possible agreement error. The noun 'fold' seems to be countable, so consider using: "folds".
fold
than erstwhile,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, the number of industries is
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
the same,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the scant option to the students to choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
prospects, and these are the prime reasons why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on to the other opportunity sectors.
In addition
to this, in this present scenario, the extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of tackling situation and managerial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are the prominent requirements in the working environment, which does not possible in arts related stream,
hence
pupil
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
to go on technical side to originate the bright future.

On the other hand
, it is irrefutable fact that history and philosophy are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subject, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
the ancient culture and tradition, students would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
immense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of their ancestors, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
historical incidents.
Nevertheless
, according to the chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
in industries needs certain practical work not theoretical data’s.
Besides
, the vast amount of job opportunity in technical field is prevalent on around the world comparing to the arts sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can opt their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
job.

To conclude
this, it seems to me that in this hectic world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of technical and practical would be the conducive one to the students based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
prospects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach arts subjects, like philosophy and history, and only offer practical degree courses that maximize chances of employment. To v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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