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Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach art subjects, like philosophy and history, and offer practical degree courses that maximize the chances of employment. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach art subjects, like philosophy and history, and offer practical degree courses that maximize the chances of employment. v. 3
It is considered by many people that universities should focus on developing practical subject-based education and discontinue art studies to tackle the issues of fees hike and dearth in job opportunities. I completely agree that theoretical art studies are not beneficial to graduates in the current job sector and instead practical knowledge is the key to maximize employment. First of all, the current job sector demands pragmatic candidates, whereas the art-graduates of either history or philosophy have their knowledge restricted to merely theories, facts or dates. Even though these facts and dates provide crucial information, which helps in understanding our cultures and languages, but learning the same will not help an individual to develop skills to manage an event, operate a machine or develop a computer program. Furthermore, most of the companies are not interested in spending extra money for the training of unskilled graduates when the work can be completed by robots efficiently and cheaply. As a result, there is a shortage of work in the corporate sector which leads to unemployment. Therefore, the university curriculum should exclude art studies as their bookish information is not feasible in the work industry. Secondly, practical exposure helps individuals to develop creative and critical thinking which aids in improving the employment rate. In other words, experienced graduates can themselves start their private businesses or startups instead of joining companies. These businesses can, not only generate extra jobs for the current market, but can also support the universities financially, which will eventually lead to a decrease in education fees. For instance, about 30% of India's youth work in various startups such as OYO-rooms, Zomato and Swiggy food services or TATA consultancy services because of non-availability of jobs in the governmental industrial units. Also, TATA company offers scholarships in various Indian universities to prodigy students who can't afford high fees. To conclude, I strongly believe that the art subjects should be replaced with practical courses as they help the graduates to develop the required skills to get employed.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should focus on developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
subject-based education and discontinue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studies to tackle the issues of fees hike and dearth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studies are not beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sector and
instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge is the key to maximize employment.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
sector demands pragmatic candidates, whereas the art-graduates of either history or philosophy have their knowledge restricted to
merely
theories, facts or dates.
Even though
these facts and dates provide crucial information, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in understanding our cultures and languages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learning the same will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
an individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to manage an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, operate a machine or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
a computer program.
Furthermore
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are not interested in spending extra money for the training of unskilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
be completed
by robots
efficiently
and
cheaply
.
As a result
, there is a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the corporate sector which leads to unemployment.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
curriculum should exclude
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
studies as their bookish information is not feasible in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
industry.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
exposure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
creative and critical thinking which aids in improving the employment rate.
In other words
, experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
can themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their private businesses or startups
instead
of joining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. These businesses can, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
generate extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
financially
, which will
eventually
lead to a decrease in education fees.
For instance
, about 30% of India's youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in various startups such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
OYO-rooms
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zomato
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Swiggy
food services or TATA consultancy services
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of non-availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in the governmental industrial units.
Also
, TATA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
offers scholarships in various Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
to prodigy students who can't afford high fees.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects should
be replaced
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
courses as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Rising university fees and scarce employment prospects for graduates have led some people to say that universities should not teach art subjects, like philosophy and history, and offer practical degree courses that maximize the chances of employment. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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