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Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, while other people think that take part in individual sports is better. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, while other people think that take part in individual sports is better. v. 2
It is considered by some that sports which playing in a team is more important, while there are others who feel that taking participation in individual sports is most useful. In my opinion, I believe that playing as a group is effective while taking part in individual sports is also beneficial. On the one hand, playing together sports give players opportunities to develop interpersonal skills such as teamwork and communication skills. These benefits not only help people in their day-to-day social interactions but also accelerate their career. Furthermore, team sports offer players the chance to strengthen sense of unity, friendship and sportsmanship between people in a squad. In this sense, it really adds value to people's live by making them feel a part of something. On the other hand, individual sports have their own positive effects as well. Firstly, sports played by individuals like tennis or swimming have a profound impact on their personal skills. This means, through these kinds of sport, players are able to manage their emotions, cope with the strains and build confidence and self-esteem. Secondly, people who play these sports tend to develop a strong mindset when they do their utmost and brainstorm in order to overcome any setbacks they may face. Finally, one-player sports provide better opportunity for people to challenge themselves by setting goals and achieve the payoff by their own efforts. In conclusion, I believe that all sports bring great benefits for people's mental and physical health, and people should choose whatever sports they have passion for.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which playing in a team is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, while there are others who feel that taking participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is most useful. In my opinion, I believe that playing as a group is effective while taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is
also
beneficial.

On the one hand, playing together
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
give players opportunities to develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. These benefits not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their day-to-day social interactions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
accelerate their career.
Furthermore
, team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
offer players the chance to strengthen sense of unity, friendship and sportsmanship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a squad. In this sense, it
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
value to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
by making them feel a part of something.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects
as well
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
played by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
like tennis or swimming have a profound impact on their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This means, through these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, players are able to manage their emotions, cope with the strains and build confidence and self-esteem.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who play these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tend to develop a strong mindset when they do their utmost and brainstorm in order to overcome any setbacks they may face.
Finally
, one-player
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide better opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to challenge themselves by setting goals and achieve the payoff by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
efforts.

In conclusion
, I believe that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring great benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's mental and physical health, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should choose whatever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
they have passion for.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in team, while other people think that take part in individual sports is better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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