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Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. Do you agree? v.2

Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. Do you agree? v. 2
Some people believe that the only method to reduce the air pollution is to limit the number of flights. I do not agree with this viewpoint. In my opinion limiting the number of flights may reduce the air pollution to some extent; however, other measures such as regulating the use of various private modes of transportation such as motorized vehicles and creating awareness about the appalling affects of air pollution can be more fruitful. To begin with, it is undeniable that airplanes cause air pollution as they produce a huge amount of carbon dioxide which causes a lot of pollution in the atmosphere and leads to global warming. For example, it is estimated by Green Peace that up to 13, 000 tonnes of CO2 is released into the atmosphere every year by planes, thus increasing the carbon footprint in the air. Although it is possible to control this pollution by reducing the frequency of flights, it will not fully solve the problem, because the majority of pollutants in the air do not come from aircrafts and as such it cannot be considered the number one cause of air contamination. By contrast, the major cause of air pollution is the emission of poisonous gases by motor vehicles and factories. There are millions of cars on the roads and the vast majority of them run on fossil fuels which cause the emission of dangerous gases. Factories also release obnoxious gases into the atmosphere and reduce air quality. Therefore, limiting the use of such polluting means of transport can be a better solution to mitigate the effect of air pollution. Also factories should be moved from cities to sparsely populated areas. Additionally, the state should educate people about the dangers of polluting the air that we breathe in and encourage them to use non-polluting modes such as bicycles and walking for short distances. In conclusion, although restricting airways can lessen the air pollution, it is not the perfect solution. Pollution is caused by a number of factors and aircrafts just one of them. Hence, restricting air travel is not the right solution to air pollution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is to limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of flights. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this viewpoint. In my opinion limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of flights may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent;
however
, other measures such as regulating the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of various private modes of transportation such as motorized vehicles and creating awareness about the appalling affects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
can be more fruitful.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that airplanes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
as they produce a huge amount of carbon dioxide which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
in the atmosphere and leads to global warming.
For example
, it
is estimated
by Green Peace that up to 13, 000 tonnes of CO2
is released
into the atmosphere every year by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
planes
,
thus
increasing the carbon footprint in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
. Although it is possible to control this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
by reducing the frequency of flights, it will not
fully
solve the problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the majority of pollutants in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
and as such it cannot
be considered
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
contamination.

By contrast, the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
is the emission of poisonous gases by motor vehicles and factories. There are millions of cars on the roads and the vast majority of them run on fossil fuels which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
the emission of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases. Factories
also
release obnoxious gases into the atmosphere and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
quality.
Therefore
, limiting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such polluting means of transport can be a better solution to mitigate the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
factories should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from cities to
sparsely
populated areas.
Additionally
, the state should educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of polluting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
that we breathe in and encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
non-polluting modes such as bicycles and walking for short distances.

In conclusion
, although restricting airways can lessen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, it is not the perfect solution.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Pollution
is caused
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of factors and
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "aircraft", the plural form of the noun 'aircraft'?
aircrafts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one of them.
Hence
, restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
travel is not the right solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Restricting air travel is the only way to prevent air pollution. Do you agree? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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