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Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. To what extend do you agree and disagree? v.1

Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. v. 1
What is meant by distance learning? Well, due to the world's technological advancements, distance learning Is a modern way for students to grasp information through the internet. Nowadays, it's been argued that many folks disagree with the idea of studying at home through technology, as they assume that it’s not as beneficial as attending universities. To embark with, universities' and colleges' main aim is not just memorizing words from the textbook. Its main idea is to learn how to communicate and interact with each other, and prepare the students for the real world. Also, not all professions can be studied online. Some need a face to face conversation, to not just learn but gain experience through that process. Moreover, the study environment in class can be controlled and the teachers can monitor the students during learning hours. But if it were at home, professors and teachers aren’t able to maintain the student's focus. Because students can get themselves distracted by simple things such as phones, laptops, iPods, etc. As I mentioned before, having a good social life is a must, and that could be gained in universities. But if it were online learning, it could isolate the individual from society. That is to say, they become an introvert type of people, and this leads to a lack of confidence and many problems for themselves later on in life. Consequently, this damages their career opportunities. In conclusion, although online learning can be done in the comforts of their home, face to face learning provides far more than what textbooks can give. As I therefore believe, colleges not only helps you with the basics, but lets you understand how to expand your knowledge to your advantage.
What
is meant
by distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
? Well, due to the world's technological advancements, distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
Is a modern way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to grasp information through the internet. Nowadays, it's
been argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
folks disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of studying at home through technology, as they assume that it’s not as beneficial as attending universities.

To embark with, universities' and colleges' main aim is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
memorizing words from the textbook. Its main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is to learn how to communicate and interact with each other, and prepare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for the real world.
Also
, not all professions can
be studied
online.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
conversation, to not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gain experience through that process.

Moreover
, the study environment in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
can
be controlled
and the teachers can monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if it were at home, professors and teachers aren’t able to maintain the student's focus.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
themselves distracted by simple things such as phones, laptops,
Possible spelling mistake found.
iPods
, etc.

As I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, having a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social life is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, and that could
be gained
in universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
if it were online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
, it could isolate the individual from society.
That is
to say, they become an introvert type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and this leads to a lack of confidence and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems for themselves later on in life.
Consequently
, this damages their career opportunities.

In conclusion
, although online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
can
be done
in the comforts of their home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
provides far more than what textbooks can give. As I
therefore
believe, colleges not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you with the basics,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lets
you understand how to expand your knowledge to your advantage.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people use distance learning program to study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the benefit as much attending college or universities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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