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Research shows that overeating is equally harmful to people s health as smoking therefore the advertisements of certain food products should be banned similar to cigarettes To what extent do you agree v.1

Research shows that overeating is equally harmful to people s health as smoking therefore the advertisements of certain food products should be banned similar to cigarettes 1
CERTAIN FOLKS ARGUE THAT IT IS SO BECAUSE MOST OF THE YOUNGER INDIVIDUALS HAVE A CRAZE TO OBTAIN OR SETTLED DOWN IN THE FOREIGN TERRITORIES LIKE US, UK, OR CANADA. WHEREAS, THE REST OF THE INDIVIDUALS THINK THAT THIS CRAZE DO HAVE SOME OTHER CAUSES THAT MAKE THEM LEARN A NEW LANGUAGES. PERHAPS, ACCORDING TO MY VIEW, BOTH THE GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE RIGHT IN THEIR WAY AS EVERYOINE HAS A DIFFERENT REQUIREMENT IN THEIR LIVES TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW. HENCE, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE REASONS BEHIND HAVING SUCH THIINKING AMONG BOTH THE GROUP OF PEOPLE. ON THE ONE HAND, IT IS TRUE THAT WHEN A PERSON GOES TO ANOTHER NATION, NEEDS A LOCAL vocabulary KNOWLEDGE WHERE WANT TO GO SO THAT THE CONVERSATION WILL BE UNDERSTANDABLE IN BITWEEN DISTICT CULTURED FOLKS. FOR EXAMPLE, ACCORDING TO THE FOREIGN DATA OF THE INDIA, 80% CHILDREN LEARN ENGLISH SINCE CHILDHOOD AS THEIR PARENTS HAVE A DREAM TO SEND THEM ANOTHER NATION FOR THE HIGHER STUDIES. ON THE OTHER HAND, THERE PEOPLE WHO HAVE A HABBIT OR PASSION TO KNOW THE DIVERT LANGUAGES JUST TO INCREASE THEIR KNOWLEDGE. AS A RESULT, THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO OBTAIN A MORE ACCOMPLISHMENT IN COMPARISON TO PEOPLE WHO KNOW ONE OR TWO LANGUAGES. FOR INSTNACE, ACCORDING TO LANGUAGE DEPARTMENT OF THE UK, 50% OF THE EUROPEAN HAS A PASSION TO KNOW THE DISTINCT ASIAN LANGUAGE FOR GETTING THE BEST JOB IN THOSE COUNTRIES. IN CONCLUSION, KNOWING INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE INDEED PROVIDE MYRIAD OF BENEFITS TO THE PERSON. THEREFORE, I MUST SUPPORT TO LEARN LANGUAGES FOR THE PEROSN OWN KNOWLEDGE AS EVERYONE FACE THE TIME WHERE THEY FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COMMUICATE WITH OTHER. THIS COULD BE DONE IF ALL THE SHOOL HAVE THE NATION'S ALL THE LANGUAGES.
CERTAIN FOLKS ARGUE THAT IT IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
MOST OF THE YOUNGER INDIVIDUALS HAVE A CRAZE TO OBTAIN OR SETTLED DOWN IN THE FOREIGN TERRITORIES LIKE US, UK, OR CANADA. WHEREAS, THE REST OF THE INDIVIDUALS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
THINK
THAT
The verb 'DO' is plural. Did you mean: "THIS CRAZE does"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
THIS CRAZE DO
HAVE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
OTHER CAUSES THAT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MAKE
THEM
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LEARN
A NEW
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "language"?
LANGUAGES
. PERHAPS, ACCORDING TO MY VIEW, BOTH THE GROUP OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
ARE RIGHT IN THEIR WAY AS
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVERYOINE
HAS A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
DIFFERENT
REQUIREMENT IN THEIR
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
LIVES
TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LEARN
SOMETHING NEW.
HENCE
, THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE REASONS BEHIND HAVING SUCH
Possible spelling mistake found.
THIINKING
AMONG BOTH THE GROUP OF
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
.

ON THE ONE HAND, IT IS TRUE THAT WHEN A PERSON GOES TO ANOTHER NATION, NEEDS A LOCAL vocabulary KNOWLEDGE WHERE WANT TO GO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
THAT THE CONVERSATION WILL BE UNDERSTANDABLE IN
Possible spelling mistake found.
BITWEEN
Possible spelling mistake found.
DISTICT
CULTURED FOLKS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, ACCORDING TO THE FOREIGN DATA OF THE INDIA, 80% CHILDREN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LEARN
ENGLISH SINCE CHILDHOOD AS THEIR PARENTS HAVE A DREAM TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
SEND
THEM ANOTHER NATION FOR THE HIGHER STUDIES.

ON THE OTHER HAND
, THERE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
WHO HAVE A
Possible spelling mistake found.
HABBIT
OR PASSION TO KNOW
After 'THE', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'DIVERT' is correct. If 'DIVERT' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
THE DIVERT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
JUST
TO INCREASE THEIR KNOWLEDGE.
AS A RESULT
, THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO OBTAIN A MORE ACCOMPLISHMENT
IN COMPARISON
TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PEOPLE
WHO KNOW ONE OR TWO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
. FOR
Possible spelling mistake found.
INSTNACE
, ACCORDING TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
DEPARTMENT OF THE UK, 50% OF THE EUROPEAN HAS A PASSION TO KNOW THE DISTINCT ASIAN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
FOR GETTING THE BEST JOB IN THOSE COUNTRIES.

IN CONCLUSION
, KNOWING INTERNATIONAL
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGE
INDEED
PROVIDE MYRIAD OF BENEFITS TO THE PERSON.
THEREFORE
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
MUST
SUPPORT TO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LEARN
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
FOR THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
PEROSN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
OWN
KNOWLEDGE AS EVERYONE
The pronoun 'EVERYONE' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "faces", "faced".
FACE
THE
It is better to use 'TIME' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "TIME when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
TIME WHERE
THEY FIND IT DIFFICULT TO
Possible spelling mistake found.
COMMUICATE
WITH OTHER. THIS COULD
BE DONE
IF ALL THE
Possible spelling mistake found.
SHOOL
HAVE THE NATION'S ALL THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
LANGUAGES
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Research shows that overeating is equally harmful to people s health as smoking therefore the advertisements of certain food products should be banned similar to cigarettes 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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