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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The pie chart below shows the results of a survey of the causes of poor learning outcomes in schools in a particular country in 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, a v.13

The pie chart below shows the results of a survey of the causes of poor learning outcomes in schools in a particular country in 2011.
It is argued that educational institutes ought to educate the value of financial management to their learners. I fully support this notion because schools are held responsible for the future of students and they have better resources for the same as well. The onus of the future of the students lies in the schools. Since, they impart almost everything whatever their tutors teach them, therefore, these institutes can teach them the importance and benefits of money management in their life. So that they can avoid spending on unscrupulous things and make their both ends meet in case of any crisis in their life. To exemplify, a report of 2018 of ‘The Guardian’ revealed that in Australia, about 78% of students who studied finance management in schools paid on their own for their tertiary education. Additionally, schools have all the resources which are required to teach money saving. They do not only have experienced teachers to teach such subjects in the classrooms, but they can also arrange special lectures and workshop sessions of field experts so that students can learn easily and effectively about finance management through visuals. As a result, these kinds of efforts would help the learners to learn new techniques and strategies for balancing economically and surviving in adverse situations. For instance, during the global recession in 2008, merely 23% of the population of Japan were affected as compared to 68% of the entire world because they were taught in the schools to handle such critical circumstances. To conclude, I would reiterate that teaching financial affairs in schools is highly imperative because student’s learning begins from these institutes and they have state of the art facilities to teach them in a better way.
It
is argued
that educational institutes ought to educate the value of financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
to their learners. I
fully
support this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are held
responsible for the future of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
students and
they have better resources for the same
as well
.

The onus of the future of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lies in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. Since, they impart almost everything whatever their tutors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them,
therefore
, these institutes can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them the importance and benefits of money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
in their life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they can avoid spending on unscrupulous things and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
in case of any crisis in their life. To exemplify, a report of 2018 of ‘The Guardian’ revealed that in Australia, about 78% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who studied finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
paid on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
for their tertiary education.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have all the resources which
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
money saving. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have experienced teachers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
such subjects in the classrooms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
arrange special lectures and workshop sessions of field experts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn
easily
and
effectively
about finance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
through visuals.
As a result
, these kinds of efforts would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the learners to learn new techniques and strategies for balancing
economically
and surviving in adverse situations.
For instance
, during the global recession in 2008,
merely
23% of the population of Japan were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as compared to 68% of the entire world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
were taught
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to handle such critical circumstances.

To conclude
, I would reiterate that teaching financial affairs in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is
highly
imperative
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
from these
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
institutes and
they have
Did you mean "state-of-the-art"?
state of the art
facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teach
them in a better way.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The pie chart below shows the results of a survey of the causes of poor learning outcomes in schools in a particular country in 2011.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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