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Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v.1

Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 1
People pay more attention to health nowadays, so there is more research into medicine and treatments which are aimed to provide more health care. I believe the government should fund these programmes for the reasons I will outline below. The government has the responsibility to serve for citizens including solving their health problems. Health care is public service. They has the organising ability to collect money from tax payers effectively, which can guarantee the stable sources of money. For example, parliaments and assemblies can make the new policy and ensure it is targeted to essential research. In addition, the administrations have the power to ensure that the new medicines are safe. If the studies are supported by governments, then governments will have the authority to control the price. This will protect poor people can also get treated. For the private companies, it is quite obvious that companies produce medicines primarily to make more profit. When the companies control the core information of the new medicine, they can increase prices as they desire, this in turn reduces the availability of medical cures and process through hospitalization to the overall populace of a country. Although the companies’ competition will increase studies’ efficiency, people should not put health at risk. As for the individuals, it is difficult for them to contribute large amounts of money for medical experiments. Direct settlement through payment of medical prescriptions or hospital treatment by ordinary individuals are open to abuse, especially in view of the fact for many people on low income, costs for serious medical conditions and diseases are often highly expensive and would, if they were to pay directly, put them out of their reach. In conclusion and to summarise, governments should play the main role in the improvement of health care research. It will be better if the private companies and the individuals can volunteer to donate money for them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
pay more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
there is more research into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and treatments which
are aimed
to provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care. I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should fund these
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for the reasons I will outline below.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has the responsibility to serve for citizens including solving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
care is public service. They
Possible agreement error -- use base form here: "have", "haven".
has
the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
ability to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from tax payers
effectively
, which can guarantee the stable sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, parliaments and assemblies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the new policy and ensure it
is targeted
to essential research.
In addition
, the administrations have the power to ensure that the new medicines are safe. If the studies
are supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will have the authority to control the price. This will protect poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
treated.

For the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
, it is quite obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
produce medicines
primarily
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
control the core information of the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, they can increase prices as they desire, this in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
cures and process through hospitalization to the
overall
populace of a country. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
competition will increase studies’ efficiency,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
. As for the individuals, it is difficult for them to contribute large amounts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
experiments. Direct settlement through payment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
prescriptions or hospital treatment by ordinary individuals are open to abuse,
especially
in view of the fact for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on low income, costs for serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
conditions and diseases are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
highly
expensive and would, if they were to pay
directly
, put them out of their reach.

In conclusion
and to
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should play the main role in the improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care research. It will be better if the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and the individuals can volunteer to donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for them.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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