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Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v.2

Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 2
It is important to cure diseases and enhance health, therefore, researching into current medical treatments and drugs must have proper investment. Though governments and individuals benefit if health is improved, private companies should be responsible for investigation funds. In this essay, I will argue why I believe pharmaceutical enterprises must be held accountable for new medical developments. In the last couple centuries, humans have experienced a dramatic increase of life expectancy as a consequence of improved medical treatments. People take medicine for granted, but in the past, drugs were not as developed as they are today. Moreover, with the discovery of new diseases every day, the importance of research and development becomes a priority. Take for example a complicated condition such as cancer, whether government subsidizes its treatment or private insurance takes over a patient’s care, it all comes down to improved drugs in order to ease recovery. Consequently, funding for investigative projects must come from private capital. Furthermore, companies should prioritize innovation to ensure progress in medical treatments. While pharmaceutical companies compete in the marketplace, governments should serve as observers so that individuals are as protected as possible from the abuses of companies holding a dominant position. For instance, the search for a cure for a serious disease like AIDS, the auto-immune deficiency syndrome, needs to be proactively imposed by governments by incentivizing large companies with tax-cuts and long-term help. Ultimately, patients should be given these treatments to live their life with dignity. To conclude, humans evolve continuously and new diseases are discovered every day. Therefore, research becomes an essential part of medical treatment because human well-being is not a static feature. In addition to this, the pharmaceutical industry benefits largely from private projects because the market dynamics are based upon competition. Lastly, the greater the investment in research, the better the chance of successfully developing new drugs to improve health.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to cure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and enhance health,
therefore
, researching into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have proper investment. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and individuals benefit if health is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should be responsible for investigation funds. In this essay, I will argue why I believe pharmaceutical enterprises
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be held
accountable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
developments.

In the last couple centuries, humans have experienced a dramatic increase of life expectancy as a consequence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
take medicine for granted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
were not as developed as they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Moreover
, with the discovery of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
every day, the importance of research and development becomes a priority. Take
for example
a complicated condition such as cancer, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
subsidizes its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
insurance takes over a patient’s care, it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
recovery.

Consequently
, funding for investigative projects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
capital.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should prioritize innovation to ensure progress in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
. While pharmaceutical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
compete in the marketplace,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should serve as observers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that individuals are as protected as possible from the abuses of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
holding a dominant position.
For instance
, the search for a cure for a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
like AIDS, the auto-immune deficiency syndrome, needs to be
proactively
imposed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
by incentivizing large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
with tax-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
and long-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
Ultimately
, patients should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life with dignity.

To conclude
, humans evolve
continuously
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
are discovered
every day.
Therefore
, research becomes an essential part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
human well-being is not a static feature.
In addition
to this, the pharmaceutical industry benefits
largely
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the market dynamics
are based
upon competition.
Lastly
, the greater the investment in research, the better the chance of
successfully
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Research into new types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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