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Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v.1

Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 1
People are easily to commit crimes when they are drunk. Some people consider that banning alcohol can reduce crime rates effectively, while I believe that there are other methods that can be used to solve this issue. No matter how alcohol consumption would affect committing crimes, banning alcohol is not the optimal choice, because it will cause a series of problems. Firstly, alcohol has been regarded a part of people’ life, so banning alcohol is unfair for most law-abiding citizens. It will only ramp up complaints among people rather than solve the crime problem. In addition, the root cause of crimes is people’s maliciousness, while alcohol only plays the role of catalyst during the process. It is commonly known that people with proper values will not harm others or break laws even if they are terribly drunk. It is irresponsible to blame on alcohol. Therefore, alcohol ban cannot eradiate crimes effectively. There are many other measures that can be used to address this issue. The first solution is to provide multidimensional treatment foster care for troubled youth. Youth delinquents will be placed in foster families where they can receive better education or training rather than stay with other troubled teenagers. They will learn to set right values towards the society and how to behave in a socially acceptable way. The second solution is to rise alcohol taxes. When the price of alcohol beyond alcoholic’s affordability, the consumption of alcohol will naturally decrease. As a result, the possibility of alcohol-related crimes, including homicide and automobile incidents, will also be reduced. In conclusion, banning alcohol is not the best solution to reduce crime rates, and I contend that other methods such as offering foster care and raising alcohol taxes can deal with this problem effectively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
easily
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
when they
are drunk
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates
effectively
, while I believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to solve this issue.

No matter how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
consumption would affect committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is not the optimal choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will cause a series of problems.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
has
been regarded
a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is unfair for most law-abiding citizens. It will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ramp up complaints among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rather
than solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
problem.
In addition
, the root cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
maliciousness, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
plays the role of catalyst during the process. It is
commonly
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with proper values will not harm others or break laws even if they are
terribly
drunk. It is irresponsible to blame on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
ban cannot
Possible spelling mistake found.
eradiate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
effectively
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to address this issue. The
first
solution is to provide multidimensional treatment foster care for troubled youth. Youth delinquents will
be placed
in foster families where they can receive better education or training
rather
than stay with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
troubled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They will learn to set right values towards the society and how to behave in a
socially
acceptable way. The second solution is to rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
taxes. When the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
beyond alcoholic’s affordability, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
will
naturally
decrease.
As a result
, the possibility of alcohol-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, including homicide and automobile incidents, will
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is not the best solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates, and I contend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
methods such as offering foster care and raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
taxes can deal with this problem
effectively
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many crimes are often related to the consumption of alcohol. Some people think that the best way to reduce the crime rate is to ban alcohol. Do you think this is an effective measure against crime? What other solutions can you suggest? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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