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These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Nowadays, a number of people have been spending hundreads of dollars a year on tickets for sporting and entertainment events. While there are some who might see this behavior as prejudicial, I believe this development can actually deliver many positive outcomes. To begin with, an essential part of a happy life can be related to the experiences lived by an individual. There is a common sense that games and festivals have the tendency to gather people and deliver to them memorable moments. For some of the viewers of these performances, the environment of joy and, sometimes, competitiveness brought to them can be pretty addictive, specially when these moments are shared among their loved ones. Therefore, it is pretty reasonable to expect a part of that audience will look forward to repeat such experience many times throughout the year. Another benefit of people spending money on sporting events is the financial impact set by that entertainment industry. As the popularity of a certain sport increases in a city, investors will start to look for opportunities to build new venues, or renovate the, and therefore, will generate potential jobs. The vicinities of sporting or entertainment facilities also take advantage of regular visitors, since owners of business, such as bars and restaurants, can count on these events to built a frequent flow of clients. As a result, those who spend regularly on tickets are not only supporting their favorite team or artist, but actually are helping to build a stronger economy for their community. In conclusion, there are many benefits in regularly purchasing tickets for events, such as promoting a sense of happiness and estimulating the development of local shops that rely on the flow of visitors around venues dedicated to entertainment.
Nowadays, a number of
people
have been spending
hundreads
of dollars a year on tickets for sporting and entertainment
events
. While there are
some
who might
see
this behavior as prejudicial, I believe this development can actually deliver
many
positive
outcomes.

To
begin
with, an essential part of a happy life can
be related
to the experiences
lived
by an individual. There is a common sense that games and festivals have the tendency to gather
people
and deliver to them memorable moments. For
some of the
viewers of these performances, the environment of joy and,
sometimes
, competitiveness brought to them can be pretty addictive,
specially
when these moments
are shared
among their
loved
ones.
Therefore
, it is pretty reasonable to
expect
a part of that audience will look forward
to repeat
such experience
many
times throughout the year.

Another benefit of
people
spending money on sporting
events
is the financial impact set by that entertainment industry. As the popularity of a certain sport increases in a city, investors will
start
to look for opportunities to build new venues, or renovate
the,
and
therefore
, will generate potential jobs. The
vicinities
of sporting or entertainment facilities
also
take advantage of regular visitors, since owners of business, such as bars and restaurants, can count on these
events
to built
a frequent flow of clients.
As a result
, those who spend
regularly
on tickets are not
only
supporting their favorite team or artist,
but
actually are helping to build a stronger economy for their community.

In conclusion
, there are
many
benefits in
regularly
purchasing tickets for
events
, such as promoting a sense of happiness and
estimulating
the development of local shops that rely on the flow of visitors around venues dedicated to entertainment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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