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Research into mew types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v.1

Research into mew types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 1
The development of medicine and treatment is an extremely important element affect citizen’s living standard, therefore keeping research new products and methods are necessary. However, those projects cost millions of dollars and people argue that who has to take the price, governments, individuals or private companies? In my opinion, every person and organisation should take a responsibility together in different ways. To begin with, individuals make the contribution through purchasing medicine and treatment services from hospitals and pharmacies, and paying the specific tax to the government. Firstly, companies gain the revenue from consumers, and they set up a percentage of the revenue as a fund to develop new things. Secondly, governments have a similar fund to help the private companies and medical institutions to do the new research. Thus, a part of research funding is from citizen’s medical consumptions and tax payment, they often take the responsibility passively. On the other hand, private companies should take more obligation on the new research, because each successful project brings billions of profit to the investors and developers. For instance, according to a research by GEN, the top 15 medicines sold over 19 billion US dollars during 2018, all participants have gained a huge benefit. Hence, they have to pay more attention to the new research, no matter their purpose is earning more revenue or benefit human beings. In the end, governments have a responsibility to take care their residents’ health, and they collect a large amount of tax from taxpayers and business in the name of health care. For example, Australian tax residents have to pay 2% of their total income for Medicare levy annually. Moreover, governments often invest many medical projects and gain a lot from those investments. So that, there is no doubt, the government should put money into those projects. In conclusion, individuals, enterprises or governments through diverse form to contribute the research of new types of medicine and treatment, such as tax, funding, investment and so on.
The development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and treatment is an
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
element affect citizen’s living standard,
therefore
keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products and methods are necessary.
However
, those projects cost millions of dollars and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take the price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, individuals or private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
? In my opinion, every person and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should take a responsibility together in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the contribution through purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and treatment services from hospitals and pharmacies, and paying the specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
gain the revenue from consumers, and they set up a percentage of the revenue as a fund to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have a similar fund to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and medical institutions to do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
Thus
, a part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
funding is from citizen’s medical
Possible spelling mistake found.
consumptions
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payment, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
take the responsibility
passively
.

On the other hand
, private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should take more obligation on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each successful project brings billions of profit to the investors and developers.
For instance
, according to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
by GEN, the top 15 medicines sold over 19 billion US dollars during 2018, all participants have gained a huge benefit.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, no matter their purpose is earning more revenue or benefit human beings.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have a responsibility to take care their residents’ health, and they collect a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
from taxpayers and business in the name of health care.
For example
, Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
residents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay 2% of their total income for Medicare levy
annually
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
medical projects and gain a lot from those investments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, there is no doubt, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should put money into those projects.

In conclusion
, individuals, enterprises or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
through diverse form to contribute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and treatment, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
, funding, investment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Research into mew types of medicine and treatments are essential for improve health and deal with diseases. Who do you think should fund these researches: private companies, individuals or governments? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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