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There has been an increase in the number of homeless people all around the world. What are the causes of it? v.1

There has been an increase in the number of homeless people all around the world. What are the causes of it? v. 1
Of late, Homelessness has been a prevailing concern in the significant part of the universe. A sea change has been witnessed an increasing number of homeless people searching for a place to live in the past. However, there are so many people all around the earth that are deprived of a beautiful comfortable family. The following paragraph's would elucidate possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful remedial measure. To commence with the reasons. First and foremost, many people across the world have left their homes in search of jobs in different parts of the country or the cosmos. Hence, while it is easy to leave the house, it is not very easy to get a job, leaving people homeless and jobless. For instance, There are even some children who shed away their responsibility of parents and send them to home shelters. These people are not only deprived of the love and care they deserve when they get old, but also of the home they have built in their lives. Undoubtedly, every lock has a key, some solutions should be implemented. First of all, there has been an increase in the crime rate all over the world. As a result, with the number of children being kidnapped all over the world, they are being forced into beggary or prostitution, taking away their home and beautiful life. In addition, with wars happening around the globe, there are so many people who lose their accommodation and have to live in the refugee camps before any country accepts them. Sometimes this wait is only for some years while other times it extends to life time. Other factors such as natural calamities also play a role in taking away the homes. To recapitulate, surely there has been an increase in the number of people losing their accommodation. It not only causes them physical pain, but as well mental agony. In my opinion, the government should surely take initiatives to ensure that more and more people have stable homes to live in.
Of late, Homelessness has been a prevailing concern in the significant part of the universe. A sea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been witnessed
an increasing number of homeless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
searching for a place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the past.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the earth that
are deprived
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
comfortable family. The following paragraph's would elucidate possible reasons for the problem and propose a handful remedial measure.

To commence with the reasons.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in search of jobs in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the country or the cosmos.
Hence
, while it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job, leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
homeless and jobless.
For instance
, There are even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children who shed away their responsibility of parents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to home shelters. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
deprived of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care they deserve when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
of the home they have built in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Undoubtedly
, every lock has a key,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions should
be implemented
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there has been an increase in the crime rate all over the world.
As a result
, with the number of children
being kidnapped
all over the world, they are
being forced
into beggary or prostitution, taking away their home and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
life.
In addition
, with wars happening around the globe, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lose their accommodation and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the refugee camps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any country accepts them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
this wait is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years while other times it extends to
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
. Other factors such as natural calamities
also
play a role in taking away the homes.

To recapitulate,
surely
there has been an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
losing their accommodation. It not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes them physical pain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
mental agony. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
surely
take initiatives to ensure that more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay There has been an increase in the number of homeless people all around the world. What are the causes of it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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