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Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v.4

Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v. 4
Nowadays, a large number of criminals have been sent to the jail for the safety of the modern society. However, the criminal rates have not decreased significantly over the last decade because released criminal from the prison conducted violent crime again. In this regard, some people claim that this trend created so many social problems such as the rise of criminal rates, the increase of taxation, and many others. As far as I am concerned, I will explore the causes of this issue and put forward some feasible solutions in this essay. In solving this problem, first of all, it is very important to understand what causes its’ issue. There are several factors regarding this trend. Firstly, in the prison, there are no appropriate educational systems and no organising training courses, such as computer skills, cooking skills and so on, for the criminals to develop their skilled talent for their future career after the prison, which will help them keep abreast with the rapid social development. However, the government lack a fund essential to establish this training courses for criminal, which lead the criminal to be lag behind others after the prison and caused them to do another violent crime again. Secondly, almost criminals are suffering a great deal with poor financial conditions, which lead them to go astray again after the prison. As a result, there should have an affirmative action in anything for the sake of those criminal’s restoration for their good future. There are some things that should be done to solve these problems. Firstly, the government and the authorities should offer an opportunity for those criminals to enrich their knowledge and widen horizons through various forms of training courses, such as computer skills, cooking skills and many others, in the prison, which not only guarantees their future careers but also optimises their living standards. Secondly, the government should subsidise those criminals financially until they find a new career, which will support their family and allow those criminals to concentrate on seeking for their job. Moreover, if the government and the whole society join hands in solving these problems, I believe that criminals who set free from the prison can easily get accustomed to the changed social circumstance and improve their social interaction with others; as a result, all of these efforts greatly contribute to the decrease of criminal rates caused by former prisoners. Taking into account this aforementioned opinions, there are several things that could be done to prevent the increase of the criminal rates caused by the former prisoners. Furthermore, individuals also should do the utmost to develop the harmonious society with those previous criminals and give them more opportunities to take part in social activities, such as politics, religions, arts, and many others, which offer them abundant enjoyments in many aspects.
Nowadays,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the jail for the safety of the modern society.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
have not decreased
significantly
over the last decade
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
conducted violent crime again. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that this trend created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
such as the rise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
, the increase of taxation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others. As far as I
am concerned
, I will explore the causes of this issue and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions in this essay.

In solving this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand what causes
An apostrophe is never used to form possessive case pronouns. Did you mean: "its"?
its’
issue. There are several factors regarding this trend.
Firstly
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, there are no appropriate educational systems and no
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
training courses, such as computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to develop their skilled talent for their future career after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
abreast with the rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
development.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
lack a fund essential to establish this training courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
, which lead the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
to be
Consider using a past participle here: "lagged".
lag
behind others after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and caused them to do another violent crime again.
Secondly
, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are suffering a great deal with poor financial conditions, which lead them to go astray again after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
As a result
, there should have an affirmative action in anything for the sake of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal’s
restoration for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
future.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things that should
be done
to solve these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the authorities should offer an opportunity for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to enrich their knowledge and widen horizons through various forms of training courses, such as computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
guarantees their future careers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'optimises' is British English.
optimises
their living standards.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'subsidise' is British English.
subsidise
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
financially
until they find a new career, which will support their family and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to concentrate on seeking for their job.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and the whole society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands in solving these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who set free from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circumstance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
interaction with others;
as a result
, all of these efforts
greatly
contribute to the decrease of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
caused by former prisoners.

Taking into account this aforementioned opinions, there are several things that could
be done
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
caused by the former prisoners.
Furthermore
, individuals
also
should do the utmost to develop the harmonious society with those previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
and give them more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities, such as politics, religions, arts, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others, which offer them abundant enjoyments in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
467 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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