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Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v.1

Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Based on the social community research, it is found that most of the criminals, who have been released from prisons, have the tendency to commit crimes again. The following essay will discuss in details about the various factors that have caused the situation and some of the ways to address the issue. To begin with, many criminals who have finished their punishment period in jails have the tendency to do crime activities again. Based on the research of these convicts, it is found that most of these people have difficulties in finding employments when they are back in communities. When employers see their track records, they would be straightly rejected since many employers have the perception that an ex-criminal is a negative person. As a consequence, many of these people have committed crimes again in order for them to survive. However, there are some ways in which communities and governments could do to solve the problem. Firstly, convicts should be equipped with some useful skill for them during the detention period. Therefore when they are released, they would be beneficial for societies and communities. One of the examples would be by providing some technical courses such as plumbing or mechanical courses. Secondly, the government and neighbours should cooperate in establishing cooperative institutions, whereas, they will hire or recruit ex-criminal persons. These institutions could provide services to societies as  a mechanical workshop, saloon or cleaning service facilities. In conclusion, it is a fact that many criminals, who have been released from jails, are mostly doing criminal activities again. They do that because they feel that they are not welcomed by the public. And to cope with the issue, governments and societies should cooperate in providing some skill and workplaces for these ex-crime persons.
Based on the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
research, it
is found
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, who have
been released
from prisons, have the tendency to commit crimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
. The following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the various factors that have caused the situation and
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
ways to address the issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
who have finished their punishment period in jails have the tendency to do crime activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
. Based on the research of these convicts, it
is found
that most of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have difficulties in finding employments when they are back in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. When employers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
records, they would be
straightly
rejected since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers have the perception that an ex-criminal is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
person. As a consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have committed crimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
in order for them to survive.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could do to solve the problem.
Firstly
, convicts should
be equipped
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for them during the detention period.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
when they
are released
, they would be beneficial for societies and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
. One of the examples would be by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technical courses such as plumbing or mechanical courses.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
should cooperate in establishing cooperative institutions, whereas, they will hire or recruit ex-criminal persons. These institutions could provide services to societies as
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
a mechanical workshop, saloon or cleaning service facilities.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, who have
been released
from jails, are
mostly
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
again
. They do that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that they are not welcomed by the public. And to cope with the issue,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and societies should cooperate in providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and workplaces for these ex-crime persons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Report research suggests that majority of criminals who were sent to prison would commit crimes when they are set free. What do you think of this case? What to be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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