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Referencing the research presented by the professor, explain the concept of evolution in action. v.1

Referencing the research presented by the professor, explain the concept of evolution in action. v. 1
It is thought that one of the big problems in numerous schools is bullying. In my opinion, there are some factors which are involved in triggering bullying and some solutions can help reduce bullying in schools. On the one hand, I believe that televisions are one of the most significant factors emotionally affecting children. Today, more and more violent movies and clips go viral on TV, social media and the Internet. Because of the development of the Internet and smartphones which are more and more common, children are liable to watch violent movies, and attempt to imitate exactly how actors in violent movies kick and kill people. Children normally lacking an awareness of the severity of the bullying and hurting other friends will use what they have already watched in violent movies to treat other people. Secondly, parents play a role in increasing bullying. In modern life, due to the pressure of their work, parents cannot spend much time talking to children and playing with children, which makes children feel alone and use violence in order to have their parents’ attention. On the other hand, I think that some solutions are likely to stop bullying in schools. Firstly, checking viewers’ age carefully before permitting them to watch violent movies is a good method. The suggested solution will guarantee to keep children away from violent movies as much as possible. Next, parents should spend more time on their own children. Children will feel listened and their stress of what they are facing and things rendering children depressed and blue descends. In conclusion, some factors are a key to rising bullying in schools, while several solutions can make bullying less serious.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problems in numerous schools is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
. In my opinion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors which
are involved
in triggering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
in schools.

On the one hand, I believe that televisions are one of the most significant factors
emotionally
affecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and clips go viral on TV, social media and the Internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the development of the Internet and smartphones which are more and more common,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are liable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, and attempt to imitate exactly how actors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
kick and kill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
normally
lacking an awareness of the severity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
and hurting other friends will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
what they have already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
to treat other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a role in increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
. In modern life, due to the pressure of their work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot spend much time talking to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and playing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel alone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
violence in order to have their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
attention.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
in schools.
Firstly
, checking viewers’ age
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
permitting them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method. The suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
will guarantee to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
as much as possible.
Next
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend more time on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
will feel listened and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of what they are facing and things rendering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
depressed and blue descends.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors are a key to rising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
in schools, while several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
less serious.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Referencing the research presented by the professor, explain the concept of evolution in action. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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