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Reducing global environmental damage should be handled by governments rather than individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Reducing global environmental damage should be handled by governments rather than individuals. v. 3
It is undeniable that human activity directly or indirectly increases environmental damage. However, a plethora of people contents that government should handle the environmental damage and others disagree with the statement. Not surprisingly, the number of controversies over this issue is overwhelmed. Among this controversy, personally I believed that individuals should oversee the problem. I feel this way for several reasons I will expound subsequent followings. To commence with, if people aware of their activity then damage can be reduced. They can easily protect their vicinity from being pollution and some volunteer work might be reduced the damage. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I was in high school, I lived in a village where many loam factory located. Thus, the owner of the factory used the water of the river for washing the fabric but did not dump the waste properly. Therefore, most of the pond was polluted by the colour of the process water. So, one day I and some of my school friends protested against this activity and started to clean the place and other village members also joined. Thus, an individual' s awareness can also reduce global damage. Furthermore, if individual people constrain their daily activity then damage can also be declined. For example, in the city of the Dhaka, most of the people are not aware of their activity. They are throwing waste, plastic containers here and there. As a result, they are blocking the drainage system and the city is flooded with a little rain. Moreover, plastic damaging the fertility of the soil and declining the growth of the crops. Besides, the rapid expansion of industry, transportation polluted the city by releasing the smoke and sound. But, if individual people are aware of this issue they can easily reduce this environmental damage. To recapitulate, I am on the opinion that if an individual should be concerned about the damage then global damage can easily be brought in a limit.
It is undeniable that human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
directly
or
indirectly
increases environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
.
However
, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contents that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should handle the environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
disagree with the statement. Not
surprisingly
, the number of controversies over this issue
is overwhelmed
. Among this controversy,
personally
I believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should oversee the problem. I feel this way for several reasons I will expound subsequent followings.

To commence with, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. They can
easily
protect their vicinity from being pollution and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
volunteer work might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I was in high school, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in a village where
Possible agreement error. The noun loam seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much loam", "a good deal of loam".
many loam
factory located.
Thus
, the owner of the factory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the water of the river for washing the fabric
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did not dump the waste
properly
.
Therefore
, most of the pond
was polluted
by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of the process water.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, one day I and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of my school friends protested against this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to clean the place and other village members
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
.
Thus
, an
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s awareness can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
global damage.

Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
constrain their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
can
also
be declined
.
For example
, in the city of the Dhaka, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not aware of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. They are throwing waste, plastic containers here and there.
As a result
, they are blocking the drainage system and the city
is flooded
with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
rain.
Moreover
, plastic damaging the fertility of the soil and declining the growth of the crops.
Besides
, the rapid expansion of industry, transportation polluted the city by releasing the smoke and sound.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are aware of this issue they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this environmental damage.

To recapitulate, I am on the opinion that if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
should
be concerned
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
then global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damage
can
easily
be brought
in a limit.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Reducing global environmental damage should be handled by governments rather than individuals. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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