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Recently some people can work from home using modern technology. Some think this only benefits the workers, but not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Recently some people can work from home using modern technology. Some think this only benefits the workers, but not the employers. v. 1
The role of technology in the world today is widely debated, with some people claiming that modern technology itself could diminish the distance between different workplaces’ locations and main office. It will provide easiness way for workers to share information with employers and colleagues. Personally, I do not feel that only workers obtain benefits from this modernity, and I will explain why in this essay. Firstly, many companies are facing high competition in the same product market. The managers please hight quality interactive with their colleagues, for instance by sharing data immediately, fast searching and convenience to work outside the office. If all staffs can face together by video conference, they will not necessary to go through the traffic jam in the morning for working. In this case, employers no need to spend high budget for a large workspace and staffs will not suffer from sedentary lifestyle. Finally, computers have the ability to process the statistical data with high accuracy and response time. This is faster than work by man, and prevents the damage from stress which in itself could generate further social problems. I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that it is safer to send data in paper form. Because there are many concerns about documents hacking, also data losing when network is down. If the damaged information is secret or important, it would be worse and hard to recover all of them. Nevertheless, There are many feasible ways to establish databases’ security. In conclusion, I tend to agree that it is wiser to use internet in the company, for reasons which benefit both workers and entrepreneur.
The role of technology in the world
today
is
widely
debated, with
some
people
claiming that modern technology itself could diminish the distance between
different
workplaces’ locations and main office. It will provide easiness way for workers to share information with employers and colleagues.
Personally
, I do not feel that
only
workers obtain benefits from this modernity, and I will
explain
why in this essay.

Firstly
,
many
companies
are facing high competition in the same product market. The managers
please
hight
quality interactive with their colleagues,
for instance
by sharing
data
immediately,
fast
searching and convenience to work outside the office. If all staffs can face together by video conference, they
will not necessary
to go through the traffic jam in the morning for working.
In this case
, employers no need to spend high budget for a large workspace and staffs will not suffer from sedentary lifestyle.
Finally
, computers have the ability to process the statistical
data
with high accuracy and response time. This is faster than work by
man
, and
prevents
the damage from
stress
which in itself could generate
further
social problems.

I do appreciate that
some
people
think
differently
, saying that it is safer to
send
data
in paper form.
Because
there are
many
concerns about documents hacking,
also
data
losing when network is down. If the damaged information is secret or
important
, it would be worse and
hard
to recover all of them.
Nevertheless
, There are
many
feasible ways to establish databases’ security.

In conclusion
, I tend to
agree
that it is wiser to
use
internet in the
company
, for reasons which benefit both workers and entrepreneur.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently some people can work from home using modern technology. Some think this only benefits the workers, but not the employers. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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