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Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v.7

Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v. 7
It is quite important to keep a natural balance of every species to avoid mishaps. Shockingly, the world has experienced the loss of animals and other species during the recent five decades for fifty per cent. I believe this can be controlled by alerting on natural disasters and implementing strong punishment against hunting natural resources. First of all, regular monitoring and researches should be done to predict and control the natural calamities like wildfire etcetera by authorities to improve the number of forest species. To put it in another way, the governments have to send environmentalists and other experts to learn and find out possible disasters to the prone areas. As a result, if any warning is made the proper initiations will be possible to save the most valuable resources of the planet earth. It is recently noticed that, for example, the wildfire took place in the Amazon forest contributed to the devastation of thousands of animals and other species. It is impossible to limit the loss unless proper planning and actions are taken place in advance. Secondly, another action to be taken place on the preservation of these natural resources is to implement strong rules against the people who are a threat to these living asset. In other words, people are either greedy or wanted to enjoy in its peak. For the purpose, there many people around the globe including celebrities, enjoy hunting and hurting which resulted in the mass loss of the resource. It shouldn' t be solved unless proper punishment systems are provided against these misdeeds. To cite an example, a famous Indian actor, Salman Khan has been to court many times as an aftermath of hunting deer. If these types of actions are taken place against all the lawbreakers without considering their fame and name it will be a great help to those who share the earth with us. By analysing the possible actions to keep and secure the most valuable natural resources, proper planning against natural calamities and treating the lawbreakers as they deserve are the best possible solutions.
It is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
balance of every species to avoid mishaps.
Shockingly
, the world has experienced the loss of animals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species during the recent five decades for fifty per cent. I believe this can
be controlled
by alerting on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
disasters and implementing strong punishment against hunting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, regular monitoring and researches should
be done
to predict and control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
calamities like wildfire etcetera by authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the number of forest species. To put it in another way, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
environmentalists and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
experts to learn and find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
disasters to the prone areas.
As a result
, if any warning
is made
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
initiations will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to save the most valuable resources of the planet earth. It is recently noticed that,
for example
, the wildfire took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the Amazon forest contributed to the devastation of thousands of animals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species. It is impossible to limit the loss unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
planning and actions
are taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in advance.

Secondly
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
action
to
be taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
on the preservation of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources is to implement strong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
against the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are a threat to these living asset. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are either greedy or wanted to enjoy in its peak. For the purpose, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the globe including celebrities, enjoy hunting and hurting which resulted in the mass loss of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
resource
. It
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldn&
#039; t
be solved
unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
punishment systems
are provided
against these misdeeds. To cite an example, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Indian actor, Salman Khan has been to court
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times as an aftermath of hunting deer. If these types of actions
are taken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
against all the lawbreakers without considering their fame and name it will be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to those who share the earth with us.

By
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
and secure the most valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
planning against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
calamities and treating the lawbreakers as they deserve are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
solutions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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