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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion. v.609

The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 609
In such a civilized society, in spite of several disagreements people have in various areas so far as one’s view goes, one point that virtually everybody upon is the importance of science. This is mostly owing to the fact that nowadays, science has become more important than a few decades ago and discoveries increase every day throughout the world. With this in mind, a broad range of controversial attitudes might stimulate heated debate as to whether these discoveries, which are obtained by governments and private companies, should be shared with the rest of the world or not. I personally believe that it should be announced obviously. Among the many reasons, one can give for this opinion, two conspicuous points will be elaborated through ensuing lines. The first and prominent reason which comes to the mind is that by sharing these discoveries, it is possible to save our planet. Needless to say that, our planet has been encountered with several major problems. For instance, nowadays, almost all of the countries investigate global warming issue, which is one the important crisis, to find some solutions such as reducing of greenhouse effects in the atmosphere. In other words, every country is not able to face this phenomenon on its own. A recent international congress relating to this issue, held in my country and a comprehensive document reported in this regard. This document consists of numerous solutions that is one of the significant sources and provides future investigations. As a result, the cooperation of all governments and companies is needed to save the Earth. Another important reason which deserves some words here is that it will give an opportunity for each government to improve easily. By sharing these discoveries, the governments will compete together in order to have a global fame and as a result, it will lead to detect new successive discoveries. According to a research conducted by United Nations, it was found that a vast majority of today’s discoveries in each country originate from the previous scientific discoveries obtained by rest of the countries. For instance, based on this record, Russian discoveries regarding the living possibility on the Marc originate from the United Stated previous reports. In conclusion, there are numerous reasons which can be investigated. Based on the given reasons, which are saving the Earth and have a prosperous world, I highly recommend that governments and private companies should share their discoveries.
In such a civilized society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
several disagreements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have in various areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far as one’s view goes, one point that
virtually
everybody upon is the importance of science. This is
mostly
owing to the fact that nowadays, science has become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than a few decades ago and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
increase every day throughout the world. With this in mind, a broad range of controversial attitudes might stimulate heated debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
, which
are obtained
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, should
be shared
with the rest of the world or not. I
personally
believe that it should
be announced
obviously
. Among the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, one can give for this opinion, two conspicuous points will
be elaborated
through ensuing lines.

The
first
and prominent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the mind is that by sharing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
, it is possible to save our planet. Needless to say that, our planet has
been encountered
with several major problems.
For instance
, nowadays, almost
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
investigate global warming issue, which is
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
crisis, to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions such as reducing of greenhouse effects in the atmosphere.
In other words
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is not able to face this phenomenon on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. A recent international congress relating to this issue, held in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and a comprehensive document reported in this regard. This document consists of numerous solutions
that is
one of the significant sources and provides future investigations.
As a result
, the cooperation of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
is needed
to save the Earth.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here is that it will give an opportunity for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
easily
. By sharing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
will compete together in order to have a global fame and
as a result
, it will lead to detect new successive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
. According to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by United Nations, it
was found
that a vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
originate from the previous scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
obtained by rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
, based on this record, Russian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
regarding the living possibility on the Marc originate from the United Stated previous reports.

In conclusion
, there are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which can
be investigated
. Based on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, which are saving the Earth and have a prosperous world, I
highly
recommend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should share their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discoveries
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The government and corporation should share all their scientific discoveries with other countries in the world? Please use specific details and examples to support your opinion. v. 609

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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