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Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v.5

Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v. 5
As Mahatma Gandhi, the father of India had said ' A society can be judged by the way the animals are treated'; animals are an important part of the food chain. A recent study has shown that the wildlife population has been decreasing at a rapid rate. This essay gingerly delineated the causes and problems along with the solution in the following paragraphs. With the increase in human population, the animal population has been dwindling; this is primarily because of human encroachment on their natural habitats. People are increasingly cutting down forests in order to acquire more space for agriculture, construction and for living purposes. Humans are also reclaiming portions of the sea as the amount of land is not enough for the growing population. Furthermore, bush-fires in Australia and the Amazon forest fires has also led to many animal and bird species becoming endangered. The wildfires are mainly due to global warming caused by factories, burning garbage and the use of aerosols. It is high time we took note of all the warning's nature is giving us; it is time to act. We should plant more trees in order to bring down the temperature from increasing yearly. Moreover, the use of aerosols, burning of grass stubble and our carbon footprint should be reduced. The animals which are endangered should be monitored closely to prevent them from getting extinct. To substantiate further, we could also collectively stop water, air and land pollution in order to make the environment more suitable for the fauna. We could also contribute by being a part of various NGO's that address the needs of animals. Wildlife population diminishing is irrefutably a major concern worldwide; as responsible citizens, it is our duty to take care of animals and ensure they have a habitat that is suitable and appropriate for a living. Collectively, we can make a considerable change.
As Mahatma Gandhi, the father of India had said
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
A society can
be judged
by
Duplicated 'the' in the phrase: 'the way the'. Did you mean "way the"?
the way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are treated
';
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the food chain. A recent study has shown that the wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been decreasing at a rapid rate. This essay
gingerly
delineated the causes and problems along with the solution in the following paragraphs.

With the increase in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
has been dwindling; this is
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of human encroachment on their natural habitats.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are
increasingly
cutting down forests in order to acquire more space for agriculture, construction and for living purposes. Humans are
also
reclaiming portions of the sea as the amount of land is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
Furthermore
, bush-fires in Australia and the Amazon forest fires has
also
led to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
and bird species becoming endangered. The wildfires are
mainly
due to global warming caused by factories, burning garbage and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of aerosols.

It is high time we took note of all the warning's nature is giving us; it is time to act. We should plant more trees in order to bring down the temperature from increasing yearly.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of aerosols, burning of grass stubble and our carbon footprint should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
which
are endangered
should
be monitored
closely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from getting extinct. To substantiate
further
, we could
also
collectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
water, air and land pollution in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment more suitable for the fauna. We could
also
contribute by being a part of various NGO's that address the needs of animals.

Wildlife
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
diminishing is
irrefutably
a major concern worldwide; as responsible citizens, it is our duty to take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and ensure they have a habitat
that is
suitable and appropriate for a living.
Collectively
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a considerable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Recently published figures show that the wildlife population around the world has decreased by around fifty per cent over the last fifty years. What can we do to help protect the wildlife round the world? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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