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Recently, people are becoming less and less polite. What are the reasons for this behaviour? Do you agree with the statement? Give examples and experience. v.2

Recently, people are becoming less and less polite. What are the reasons for this behaviour? Give examples and experience. v. 2
There is a debate regarding people’s behaviour that is becoming less suitable to each other over the past years. I strongly believe that people are turning into alive zombies that do not show any kind of appreciation to the next. On this essay I will be giving the reasons why this behaviour must change. There has been many instances in time where people used to say important words to demonstrate how well educated they are. It was common to step into an elevator and hear someone saying “good morning” or “thank you” when holding the door. However, nowadays the humankind is becoming too busy and do not have time to demonstrate any sort of respect or kindness to other prople. Our children are receiving less love, therefore, they are not able to express their feelings in a respectful way. In addition, living in a globalized world, the technological advances are increasing the distance among people, rather than making them feel closer. Some examples can be given, such as when catching a train and watching the majority of people with heads down looking at their phones. These people feel the necessity exchange information all the time rather than try to connect to the person sit just next to them. To sum up, I believe that people should have more control on their behaviour in order to demonstrate more respect and consideration to each other. Hence, the next generation will be able to live in a healthy environment where they are polite and respect their beloved ones.
There is a debate regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
that is
becoming less suitable to each other over the past years. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are turning into alive zombies that do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
any kind of appreciation to the
next
. On this essay I will be giving the reasons why this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

There has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
instances in
It is better to use 'time' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "time when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
time where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to say
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
words to demonstrate how
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
they are. It was common to step into an elevator and hear someone saying “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
morning” or “thank you” when holding the door.
However
, nowadays the humankind is becoming too busy and do not have time to demonstrate any sort of respect or kindness to other
Possible spelling mistake found.
prople
. Our children are receiving less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
therefore
, they are not able to express their feelings
Consider replacing "in a respectful way" with the adverb for "respectful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a respectful way
.

In addition
, living in a globalized world, the technological advances are increasing the distance among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
rather
than making them feel closer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
examples can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, such as when catching a train and watching the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with heads down looking at their phones. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel the necessity exchange information all the time
rather
than try to connect to the person sit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
next
to them.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have more control on their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in order to demonstrate more respect and consideration to each other.
Hence
, the
next
generation will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a healthy environment where they are polite and respect their beloved ones.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently, people are becoming less and less polite. What are the reasons for this behaviour? Give examples and experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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