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1613 Describe a polite person you knowYou should sayWho the person isHow you know the personWhat the person looks likeAnd explain why you think the person is polite v.1

1613 Describe a polite person you knowYou should sayWho the person isHow you know the personWhat the person looks likeAnd explain why you think the person is polite v. 1
In today's world, working part-time in parallel with studies is more debatable. Some people think working can hamper student curriculum while others think doing realtime work can make them independent. I believe, taking up part-time jobs has more benefits than detriments. To begin with, university studies are more expensive, hence taking up temporary jobs have become necessary. Students can fund their study expenses rather than depending on parents. For example, it is seen that students pay their tuition fees from their earned money. Moreover, they become more responsible is spending money than students who do not earn. The independent nature of students boosts their self-confidence and bring growth in life. Furthermore, working half time and the efforts they put makes them understand the importance and value of money. This work experience can help them in their future decision-making. Admittedly, despite there are many positive impacts, but there are some negative impacts which cannot be neglected. University studies need undivided attention and one main reason, students get distracted from their studies, and not achieve their career goals. Hence, there are many cases where students fail due to their part-time jobs as they do not get enough time to study. Second main reason students getting involved in illegal activities like consumption of drugs, alcohol and so on, which leads to severe consequences, and in result can lead to imprisonment. In my opinion, it is good to take part-time jobs while studying at university as long as it does not affect the studies.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, working part-time in parallel with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
is more debatable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
working can hamper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
curriculum while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
realtime
work can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent. I believe, taking up part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
has more benefits than detriments.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
are more expensive,
hence
taking up temporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
have become necessary.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can fund their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
expenses
rather
than depending on parents.
For example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
pay their tuition fees from their earned money.
Moreover
, they become more responsible is spending money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who do not earn. The independent nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
boosts their self-confidence and bring growth in life.
Furthermore
, working half time and the efforts they put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them understand the importance and value of money. This work experience can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future decision-making.

Admittedly
, despite there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts which cannot
be neglected
. University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
need undivided attention and one main reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, and not achieve their career goals.
Hence
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
fail due to their part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. Second main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
getting involved in illegal activities like consumption of drugs, alcohol and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, which leads to severe consequences, and in result can lead to imprisonment.

In my opinion, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
while studying at university as long as it does not affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay 1613 Describe a polite person you knowYou should sayWho the person isHow you know the personWhat the person looks likeAnd explain why you think the person is polite v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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