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In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v.1

In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v. 1
These days, cars have become the necessity of almost every human being. Citizens of developing nations are buying a lot of private vehicles. This trend of purchasing private mode of transportation is causing pollution and transit traffic jam in these countries. I am going to explain the possible problems and solutions in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, the primary dilemma developing countries are facing when their citizens starts to buy more and more cars is congestion caused by these vehicles. That is because each and everyday people are purchasing cars, but expressway facilities to accommodate that many vehicles are not expanding every day. For example, according to the Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics, everyday 29 private modes of transports are added to the roads of Dhaka city which leads to the congestion of the roads during the rush hours and the whole city become standstill. Therefore, people waste most of their time in the jams instead of being productive during these hours. A long term solution to this problem is the expansion of road network before allowing their citizens to purchase personal mode of transportation. Also, it is necessary for the better flow of the transportation, so that people can reach their jobs on time. To exemplify this, the Mayor of Dhaka has promised to build private lanes for personal vehicles in the city roadway facility. Thus, it will solve the problem of traffic congestion easily in the near future. To sum up, with the development of the country's economy, people tend to buy more and more private vehicles to travel from one place to another. But, the unplanned purchases will definitely cause a lot of traffic jams in the office hours and proper road facility is essential to tackle this problem.
These days, cars have become the necessity of almost every human being. Citizens of developing nations are buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
. This trend of purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
mode of transportation is causing pollution and transit traffic jam in these countries. I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and solutions in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the primary dilemma
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are facing when their citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more cars is congestion caused by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each and everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are purchasing cars,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
expressway facilities to accommodate that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are not expanding every day.
For example
, according to the Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics,
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
modes of transports are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
of Dhaka city which leads to the congestion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
during the rush hours and the whole city become standstill.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
waste most of their time in the jams
instead
of being productive during these hours.

A long term solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
network
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
allowing their citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
personal mode of transportation.
Also
, it is necessary for the better flow of the transportation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can reach their jobs on time. To exemplify this, the Mayor of Dhaka has promised to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
lanes for personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
in the city roadway facility.
Thus
, it will solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of traffic congestion
easily
in the near future.

To sum up, with the development of the country's economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
to travel from one place to another.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the unplanned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
will definitely cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
traffic jams in the office hours and proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
facility is essential to tackle this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In some societies, obesity is regarded as a major problem. Some people believe that junk food advertising is largely to blame for this problem and should be banned. However, others feel that junk food advertising does not contribute to the problem of obes v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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