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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Children should start working early in their life v.1

Children should start working early in their life v. 1
It goes without saying in this sophisticated and progressive world where we live, for adulthood period, preparing children and being independent is highly important. Recently there is a hot debate among people that this is necessary for children to work from early childhood, some people agree with this statement, but others stand in another side of the continuum and hold the view that this is a wrong decision. As far as I am concerned, the childhood is the only chance for anybody to care about playing and working is not for this period. The reasons to substantiate my viewpoint are elaborated hereunder. To begin with, childhood is a section of life that we are knowing the world, children are curious about life, and their concerns are limited to play and joy, in my opinion, this is the sweetest part of anybody’s life, there is too much time for them to learn, work and being responsible for their life but childhood is a time for searching, touching and smelling everything with pleasure. An example can drive this notion home when I remember my childhood I had very beautiful moments which never happen again in my life and no one expected of me to behave specially and I was so free and could be near my grandparents who lived for several years in my childhood time, in contrary if I worked, I wouldn’t to be near them and use for years that were alive and be more with them hence I lost those experiences with them. Moreover, psychologically speaking, if people cannot experience their childhood time as usual, they will look for it always even though they will be parents, like people who their behaviors and concerns are similar to children. Child psychologists believe that playing has a fundamental role for children and working damage to their psychological wellbeing, for an illustration working children who were stolen their childhood from them never analogous with children who play and enjoy themselves with their peers. Working is an obstacle for growing in a healthy way for any children, and we need laws for the prohibition of this great mistake. As a result, having considered the aforementioned arguments and instances into account, there is not an obvious and utilitarian consequence in working for children, to me, this matter not only causes psychological disorders but also do not let them satisfy with this season of life which is extremely different with other parts.
It goes without saying in this sophisticated and progressive world where we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, for adulthood period, preparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and being independent is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Recently there is a hot debate among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that this is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to work from early childhood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others stand in another side of the continuum and hold the view that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decision. As far as I
am concerned
, the childhood is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
chance for anybody to care about playing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is not for this period. The reasons to substantiate my viewpoint
are elaborated
hereunder.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, childhood is a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that we
The verb 'knowing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are knowing
the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are curious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and their concerns
are limited
to play and joy, in my opinion, this is the sweetest part of anybody’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, there is too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to learn, work and being responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
childhood is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for searching, touching and smelling everything with pleasure. An example can drive this notion home when I remember my childhood I had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
moments which never happen again in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and no one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
of me to behave
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
specially and
I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
free and could be near my grandparents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
for several years in my childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in contrary if I worked, I wouldn’t to be near them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for years that were alive and be more with them
hence
I lost those experiences with them.

Moreover
,
psychologically
speaking, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot experience their childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
as usual, they will look for it always
even though
they will be parents, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
their behaviors and concerns are similar to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Child psychologists believe that playing has a fundamental role for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
damage to their psychological
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, for an illustration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were stolen
their childhood from them never analogous with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
play and enjoy themselves with their peers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
is an obstacle for growing
Consider replacing "in a healthy way" with the adverb for "healthy"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a healthy way
for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and we need laws for the prohibition of this great mistake.

As a result
, having considered the aforementioned arguments and instances into account, there is not an obvious and utilitarian consequence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, to me, this matter not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
causes psychological disorders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them satisfy with this season of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with other parts.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Children should start working early in their life v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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