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Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v.2

Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v. 2
One of the most recent developments in the world of innovations is the information technology (It T). Information technology is bringing about a change in many scopes of our day to day activities ranging from the homes to workplaces as well as areas of leisure. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Firstly, among its numerous advantages, Information technology has really made life easier since its invention. As a result, people can communicate better with others in other parts of the continents without undergoing the stress of travelling or bearing the overwhelming costs attached. For instance, business meetings now take place online. In addition, many young adults now work remotely from home, which creates lots of job opportunities for them. This in turns also saves the company or organization some running costs. On the other hand, one of the demerits of fast paced technology is that it has majorly affected other parts of our lives indirectly. Some health problems have been associated with the use of mobile devices or computers. For instance, the use of computers and phones have encouraged people to live sedentary lifestyles as they tend to engage in little or no exercise. In addition, staring at screens for a long period of time has been confirmed by medical personnels to be associated with the occurrence of some eye conditions e. G glaucoma. Another major detrimental effect of information technology is addiction, which is related to some mental health conditions. In conclusion, this essay has stated the merits and demerits of information technology. It is believed that its merits outweighs its demerits to a larger extent. It is highly recommended that health education on its appropriate use can serve as a measure to control the negative effects that come with it.
One of the most recent developments in the world of innovations is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
(It T).
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is bringing about a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scopes of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities ranging from the homes to workplaces
as well
as areas of leisure. This essay will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this.

Firstly
, among its numerous advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
really
made life easier since its invention.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can communicate better with others in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of the continents without undergoing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of travelling or bearing the overwhelming costs attached.
For instance
, business meetings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
take place online.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
work
remotely
from home, which creates lots of job opportunities for them. This in turns
also
saves the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or organization
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
running costs.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, one of the demerits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is that it has
majorly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
indirectly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
health problems have
been associated
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile devices or computers.
For instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers and phones have encouraged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
sedentary lifestyles as they tend to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
or no exercise.
In addition
, staring at screens for a long period of time has
been confirmed
by medical
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
to
be associated
with the occurrence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
eye conditions e. G glaucoma. Another major detrimental effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is addiction, which
is related
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental health conditions.

In conclusion
, this essay has stated the merits and demerits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It
is believed
that its merits outweighs its demerits to a larger extent. It is
highly
recommended that health education on its appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
can serve as a measure to control the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Unemployment remains the biggest challenge to school leavers in most countries How far do you agree with this assessment What other challenges face young people today v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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