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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.4

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4
In recent times, automobile accidents have been occurring of which some of the causes can be attributed to the indiscriminate use of mobile phones while driving. Some people have argued that banning the use of mobile devices while in transit by the government is beneficial to the society. However, some people are against this measure. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and state the reasons why I am in support of the government banning the use of mobile devices while driving. Firstly, a mobile phone is no doubt a beneficial invention, this is an undeniable fact. In addition, it connects us to people, places, and the world at large. For instance, as a result of fast paced technology, one can effectively and conveniently convey information and consequently connect with people around the globe. Since it is called a "mobile" phone, some people expect it to be accessible at every point in time, regardless of the calamity that might cause. However, a lot of motorcycle accidents have been occurring lately as a result of indecent use of these mobile phones. As a result of making use of a phone by a person while driving, this may cause the driver to lose focus. As a result of this, a fatal crash may occur. For instance a recent study that took place in Nigeria, a part of West Africa, found out that about 10% of road accidents occur due to the use of cell phones while driving. In summary, this essay has discussed the reasons I think it's a bad idea to make use of a cell phone while driving. I believe its ban by the government is a right move. Government should enact stricter penalties for offenders who fail to adhere to these rules in order to make the highways safest for all road users.
In recent times, automobile accidents have been occurring of which
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
causes can
be attributed
to the indiscriminate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while driving.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have argued that banning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile devices while in transit by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is beneficial to the society.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are against this measure. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument and state the reasons why I am in support of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
banning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile devices while driving.

Firstly
, a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is no doubt a beneficial invention, this is an undeniable fact.
In addition
, it connects us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, places, and the world at large.
For instance
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced technology, one can
effectively
and
conveniently
convey information and
consequently
connect with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe. Since it
is called
a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
mobile
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it to be accessible at every point in time, regardless of the calamity that might cause.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
motorcycle accidents have been occurring lately as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of indecent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
by a person while driving, this may cause the driver to lose focus. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of this, a fatal crash may occur.
For instance
a recent study that took place in Nigeria, a part of West Africa, found out that about 10% of road accidents occur due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
while driving.

In summary, this essay has discussed the reasons I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it's a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
while driving. I believe its ban by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is a right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should enact stricter penalties for offenders who fail to adhere to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the highways safest for all road users.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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