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Question: Some young children spend an enormous amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Question: Some young children spend an enormous amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
As everything in life is like a coin that has two different sides, people must weigh the pros and cons before jumping to conclusions. Nevertheless, some may adamantly believe that encouraging kids to allocate most of their time to play games; others will think that such actions will have negative impacts as well. This essay will elaborate on both views. To start with, the majority of individuals would agree with the notion that playing games can be beneficial, especially in their childhood. First and foremost, to stay physically and mentally fit, children are usually advised to do a variety of physical activities regularly. According to a recent study published in the New England Journal of medicine in 2018, children who spend more than ten hours weekly exercising either indoor or outdoor tend to grow faster and become less vulnerable to acquiring diseases. This is because the youngsters playing games like running and jumping will have a stronger immune system, and will gain few centimeters more than their peers who spend less time practicing. In addition to staying healthy and in good shape, playing sports early can shape one`s future. In other words, most of the famous athletes nowadays started practicing sports at the age of six which allow them to become professionals. For instance, Rafael Nadal, the legendary tennis champion, began his journey in the sports world earlier as six years old, he played different games until he realized that tennis is his passion. If he didn`t start earlier, he wouldn`t have become the hero we know today. On the other hand, exercising too much can sometimes be detrimental. To begin with, by spending most of their time playing, children will not have a sufficient period for studying. Consequently, children who study less tend to get lower grades in school, which will affect their performance and their overall grading as well. Moreover, injuries incidences are likely to be higher among over-active kids. Take my brother as an example; he suffered from multiple fractures during his boyhood while doing Karate. As a result, his absence during elementary school increased significantly and could not compensate what he missed and ended up with deficient grades. Long story short, it is advisable to always balance between practicing and relaxing in order to avoid any harms. In conclusion, however playing sports more extended periods improves the quality of life and the career pathway of youngsters, failure to manage between practicing and resting could lead to severe hazards such as bad performance in school and may accidentally increase the risk of injuries.
As everything in life is like a coin that has two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
weigh the pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping to conclusions.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may
adamantly
believe that encouraging kids to allocate most of their time to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
; others will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such actions will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts
as well
. This essay will elaborate on both views.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the majority of individuals would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be beneficial,
especially
in their childhood.
First
and foremost, to stay
physically
and mentally fit,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
usually
advised to do a variety of physical activities
regularly
. According to a recent study published in the New England Journal of medicine in 2018,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who spend more than ten hours weekly exercising either indoor or outdoor tend to grow faster and become less vulnerable to acquiring diseases. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like running and jumping will have a stronger immune system, and will gain few centimeters more than their peers who spend less time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practicing
.
In addition
to staying healthy and in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
early can shape
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
future.
In other words
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at the age of six which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to become professionals.
For instance
, Rafael
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nadal
, the legendary tennis champion, began his journey in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
world earlier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
six years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, he played
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
until he realized that tennis is his passion. If he
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "didn't" or "didn’t".
didn`t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earlier, he
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "wouldn't" or "wouldn’t".
wouldn`t
have become the hero we know
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
, exercising too much can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be detrimental. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, by spending most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not have a sufficient period for studying.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who study less tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower grades in school, which will affect their performance and their
overall
grading
as well
.
Moreover
, injuries incidences are likely to be higher among over-active kids. Take my brother as an example; he suffered from multiple fractures during his boyhood while doing Karate.
As a result
, his absence during elementary school increased
significantly
and could not compensate what he missed and ended up with deficient grades. Long story short, it is advisable to always balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practicing
and relaxing in order to avoid any harms.

In conclusion
,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
more extended periods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of life and the career pathway of youngsters, failure to manage between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practicing
and resting could lead to severe hazards such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
performance in school and may
accidentally
increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injuries.
21Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Question: Some young children spend an enormous amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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