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Many people believe that family has greater impact on children life? do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

Many people believe that family has greater impact on children life? v. 1
Family play significant role among Julienne life. It is suggested by follows that family indoctrinate enormous thing to blooming buds than the other factors such as kith and kin, TV, music. But I partially agree with this statement. To begin with, family teach many things to their offspring. brood communication skills and good manner can be gained by kids while spending time with their Parents will reads to become vigilant. Parents have lot of experience Because they have keen through many up and down in life. Parents Prefer to share with their children it makes them brave to encounter any kind of menace in their life. Because offspring imitate to their parents. Moreover parents always Provide better nourishment to offspring it help them to stay healthy in life. However Parents always encourage them to involve in physical activities It makes them extrovert and escape them many types of ailments. On the other hand, it is certain that TV and kith and kin also have great impact on children. Team work is learnt by kids while sped time plunge discrimination among them. It makes them sociable. Moreover huge knowledge is gained by TV. Because it broadcasting many types of Daily soup which provide knowledge to denizens it is very fruitful for them. To exemplify, one is discovery channel give knowledge about wild life and science. It may very Profitable for kids in their education. In this final analysis, I would concede that. Other factors also plays indispensable role among kids. It teach them lot of things.
Family
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "plays".
play
significant role among Julienne
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It
is suggested
by follows that family indoctrinate enormous thing to blooming buds than the other factors such as kith and kin, TV, music.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, family teach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things to their offspring.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
brood
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manner can
be gained
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
while spending time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
will reads to become vigilant.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they have keen through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
up and down in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
Prefer to share with their children it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them brave to encounter any kind of menace in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
offspring imitate to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always Provide better nourishment to offspring it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
them to stay healthy in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
always encourage them to involve in physical activities It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them extrovert and escape them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of ailments.

On the other hand
, it is certain that TV and kith and kin
also
have great impact on children. Team work is
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
while sped time plunge discrimination among them. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them sociable.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
huge knowledge
is gained
by TV.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Did you mean "it's broadcasting", "it is broadcasting", or "it was broadcasting"?
it broadcasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
types of Daily soup which provide knowledge to denizens it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fruitful for them. To exemplify, one is discovery channel give knowledge about wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and science. It may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Profitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in their education.

In this final analysis, I would concede that. Other factors
also
plays indispensable role among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. It
Did you mean "teaches"?
teach
them lot of things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many people believe that family has greater impact on children life? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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